Facing My Fears

Somewhere last month, I took the step to leave the shy world I created for myself and be bold. You see, I’m this person who doesn’t really like to face crowds. The thought of it alone shoots my nerves to space. LOL I’m such a clutch of nerves when it comes to this. Thing is, I really like to write but when it comes to performing my pieces, I go like “no, I’m shy” or “oh, I would perform some other time.”(which I never end up doing.) I’ve known all along that I needed to get over it and face my fear of crowds. Because honestly, the message I have to share could be what someone really needs to hear to help them through a situation in their lives.  

I’m realizing that as a writer/poet, there’s no way I can hide and cower behind shyness forever. So last month, I took that bold step to perform one of my pieces. Yes, I did! :) I tried so many times to talk myself out of it but I guess the part of me that listened to the excellent Spirit in me, which is the Holy Spirit, convinced me to believe that I could do it, I could stand in front of a crowd, regardless of my fears and nervousness and share what is on my heart. The whole thing got me thinking about how sometimes we let our fears get in the way of what God is softly urging us on to do. And I’ve realized that the importance of what we need to do is far greater than giving in to our fears. 

I can count the number of times I’ve performed in my life...in church and in senior high school. But these were not poetry performances. They were either drama based on the Bible or music performances. So this step I took last month was kind of a big deal to me- sharing one of my poems for the first time for an audience as a budding poet. The funny thing is, comparing the present to when I was growing up, the tendency to be shy is stronger now...but that’s all about to change.

I wrote about living fearlessly here. And my own words challenged me to go out there and do what God has called me to do with the talents He’s blessed me with. I wouldn’t lay it on thick that it was an easy thing for me to perform for an audience, no. No pretenses here. My mind was filled with so many ‘what ifs’... What if I forget my lines and go blank? What if I make a mistake and the audience laughs at me? What if this, what if that. All these questions were racing back and forth in my mind, threatening to cripple me. They almost made me refuse to take the opportunity to fight back my fears to share what I needed to share with that audience. A part of me even tried to convince me that I was not cut out for performing my pieces, and that I was supposed to be the writer/poet who only writes but never performs. Sometimes I even felt what I had to say was not important. Oh, the lies the devil whispers loudly into our ears! 

Something greater in me however tried so hard to fight back those lies the devil was filling my mind with. I chose to believe the truth of God’s Word and believed that an excellent spirit dwells within me. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”

I also realized that it’s not in the absence of my fears that I can say I overcame but rather, it’s my behavior in the presence of the fears I face that determine if I’m really believing God’s truth over my life or not. Those fears are there to challenge me and test my faith. And the good thing is, I didn’t make a fool out of myself on stage, I almost blanked out but I didn’t. :D I shared what I had to share and it brought such fulfillment to my heart.

On that very day of the performance, I started overcoming that fear of addressing a crowd. It still lingers around, but because I finally took that first step, it’s not so glaring as initially. I even performed that same piece the following week at a different program and it went really well. *shoots right fist up in the air* LOL So you see, I’m gradually getting over this shyness and fear of crowds thing. It’s not a one time thing that you get over. It’s a learning process. The more I rehearse for my performances, the better it gets. And the more I perform, the more I get over my silly shyness and fears. 

 Pouring my heart out. ;)

2 Timothy 1: 7 rings in my ears whenever I feel like I can’t do something. It says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” How cool can it get! To know that shyness is not from God and that I can overcome any fear in my life because I choose to believe that the Holy Spirit within me has the power to help me do so.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From whence does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1,2

 I couldn’t have taken that bold step to face my fears without my Helper. I told God to help me overcome and give me the courage to go out there and say what He needed me to say. Because regardless of how I feel, what needs to be done, must be done. I’m not supposed to fear my audience, I’m supposed to love them enough and have that desire to share with them what God has laid on my heart. 1 Corinthians 16:13,14  says “Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

 After my performance, I felt so relieved not just because I wasn’t a complete klutz on stage, but because I felt this inner peace and happiness for speaking the words that needed to be spoken. Although the applause and compliments I received afterwards encouraged me, those weren’t why I performed. I didn’t go to that stage for that. My mission was to get my message to the audience and I did exactly that. And even if I hadn’t received any applause because my message was convicting and a hard truth to sink in, I would have still felt glad to know that I said what I had to say. 

 These days, I’m believing in myself some more. I’m believing in the truth that what I have to say matters! This truth compels me and moves me to action. I’m doing all this bearing in mind what Paul said in Colossians 1:10 “To lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” I don’t want the talents given to me by God to go wasted. I want to pour all of it out of me to serve the purposes for which they were given to me. I’m a vessel, filled with gifts and I have to use these gifts to bear good fruits. My poems and stories, the ability to perform my pieces, my blog, my sweet voice (ahem!) ;) ...these talents must all encourage people to live their lives for God and bring glory to His name.

 So dear friend, what are your fears? Write them down, cancel each one out with a pen/marker and tell yourself you have overcome! Be bold and face your fears. Is it a fear of taking an academic course? A fear of amounting to nothing? Or is it a fear of never meeting that special someone? Please believe me that you can overcome. You are dearly loved and the awesome God who created the skies, stars, mountains, oceans and a lovely you says you can overcome all of these fears. You only need to believe this, ask Him for strength, go out there and face that fear. Nothing beats that happiness you feel when you finally look that fear in the eye and overcome it. Nothing. It’s exhilarating.

“And Jesus answered them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and never doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”” Matthew 21:21,22 

 Don’t succumb to your doubts ok? Be fearless and trust God to help you overcome. Reading the Word also does so much good in dissipating the doubts in your mind. James 1:6 says “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”

I want to urge you on to take that bold step you need to take and live that meaningful live God planned for you. Go on, you can do this! \o/ :D xoxo 

Delali.

New Year, New You?

So it’s a new year ...again and most of us have decided on some changes that need to be made in our lives. These changes could be in the area of how we are, our attitudes, our spiritual lives, careers, education, relationships, health and the list goes on. We’re all determined to make the best out of this New Year and that’s a good thing.

Some map out things that are attainable within their capacities while some people get so carried away with all the excitement and make over the top goals that do not look close to reality. It’s good to make changes and want to be better. And yet some don’t even make an attempt to set goals for the year because they have this mentality that people never really change and that’s a rather sad and pessimistic way of thinking because change, and I mean good change does really happen. With such mentality such people find it difficult to embrace anything good because their minds are in this dark, gloomy place and their attitude can unfortunately dim the hopes of others who genuinely want to change for the better. To the cynics and pessimists out there, stop believing and spreading that lie that people can't change, because they do change by the grace and help of God.

A new year does not mean you automatically transform into this whole new person in a blink of an eye or achieve all these things you want in the year without any hitches here and there. No, that’s some fantasy. In fact for the new year I didn’t get me a new hairdo or some new look. I look like the same ol’ me but I have a renewed mind. Moreover, the only sure time we will change in a twinkling of an eye is at the sound of the trumpet. 1 Corinthians 15:51,52. So till then let’s keep working on sticking to our plans for that change that we so desire because change can happen when we are deliberate and conscious about it.

A new year gives all humanity a whole new slate to write on, it’s a chance to somehow get it right this time. Change can be a gradual and stressful process and needs utmost commitment. We shouldn’t expect any of our plans to see fruition when we’re still so lazy, making excuses and keep postponing things we ought to do.

We start the year with so much energy and enthusiasm but as the days slowly pass by, that fire and passion slowly dies out. You may be wondering why. Well have you spoken with God about the plans you have? And what did He say? God speaks to us through His Word. 2 Peter 1:3 says “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.”  So are your plans for the year in accordance with the Bible? Are they godly plans or a bunch of selfish, ungodly goals? God put us on this earth for specific purposes so we must seek Him and be sure what we plan is endorsed by Him. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

We must not lose that passion we commence the year with. We must keep it burning anew each day. A vision board might as well help you focus on these plans. Here's my vision board for the year.

I don’t want to be getting mad all the time so I write boldly “SLOW TO ANGER”. Also, I want to learn how to drive this year (I know, I’m such a late bloomer, lol better late than never.) So in view of that, I put an image of a car on my vision board. I've also decided to write and blog more often this year in working towards being a professional writer soon so I put there “Writer”. Seeing these visual representations of my goals helps me remember what I need to be doing. If you’ve not yet come up with any goals, do some soul searching and find what you really need to do this year. It’s not too late, you can create your own vision board too, plus we’re only a week into the New Year. :-)

We must continually pray about our goals throughout the year and ask God for the strength to stay on track. We must be patient in Christ for all that we pray for. “Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31 Lets not try to do it all by our strengths but rather put all our hope, dreams and goals in the Lord.

Don’t be like Nahor who didn’t even start the journey to Canaan by being all pessimistic about change. Don’t be like Terah who stopped midway in the journey because he got into a comfortable zone. Don’t be like Lot who strayed from the right path because the beauty of the Jordan valley caught his eye when they were so close to stepping into Canaan that he decided to settle in Sodom where there were wicked men and great sinners. But rather be steadfast to your goals like Abram (later Abraham) who obeyed God and stayed committed to the journey and in return God was faithful and gave all that land to he and his descendants. Genesis verse 11:31,32; verses 12 and 13.

We must not expect God to turn our lives around when we fail to do our part. He’s ever willing to help you but are you willing to sacrifice time to help you? Are you going to stay new throughout the New Year?

Jesus loves you for real. xxx

Delali.