hello, my name is______.

I’m the kind of girl who dreams up the future and imagines all the endless possibilities that will show up in my life and sometimes when i’m wide-eyed, dreamy and musing about my future i get scared. While i’m busy thinking and praying about the future, fear shows up, gives me an ugly crooked smile and says “hey, you really think that’s going to happen? Look at your history, does it look like you’re good enough to get that? psht! dream on. you’re going to wind up alone, miserable and poor.”

Fear has a way of seeping into the colorful, beautiful picture i have of the future and tries to soak up all the colors, turning my picture into a cold, ugly gray. And i begin to doubt myself. Will God bother Himself about the miracle i’ve been sowing prayers into?  will I get the funds for the mission trips i’m oh, so passionate about? Can i survive the hard, harsh realities of the life i’ll experience on the missions? am i capable of loving the unlovable like Jesus requires of me? Will i ever write and publish the books i want to? Am i even a good writer? Will anyone read those books? Am i talented at all? What if i miss out on all God has planned for me?...I wonder if i’ll ever meet that godly man i’ve been praying for, if i’ll be at all deserving of his love. will i have the children i desire? will i get to see them grow? Will i make godly friendships wherever i go? Will they think i’m snobbish, or that i’m not cool enough, write me off without trying to know me? Will that horrible respiratory illness dare show up again? will i make Heaven?!...

fear wraps it’s gnarly, knotted hands around my neck and tries to squeeze the life and hope out of me. i panic. i get scared.

But there’s another voice that speaks and the fears begin to hide. And the shame of yesterdays gone past, run. It’s the voice of my sweet Father that says, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  (jeremiah 31:3) For, I, the Lord your God will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘fear not, I will help you.’ (Isaiah 41:13)...and the fears begin to melt and fade away. The brilliant light of Jesus begin to shine on my dreams and the gray begin to turn into vibrant colors.

I begin to feel hope surging as God says, you’re my beloved, your expectations shall not be cut shot, affliction shall not rise up a second time. Your future is great, your future is filled with my undying love. your whole life is filled with my love. just trust me. Be brave. I’ll be here to drive out the fears, you’ll see...and these words breathe into my hungry lungs life anew.

"But as it is written, eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 corinthians 2:9

Despite the terrible, terrible fears, i’ll be brave to believe that i’ll be graced with a man passionately chasing after Jesus, that God will orchestrate a lovely story for me and him (whoever and wherever he is). I’ll be brave to believe that beautiful, glorious and wonderful things have been prepared intentionally for me by my loving Father. I’ll be brave to dream and prepare for big, vibrant dreams. I will be brave to brace the future. my dreams are not too big for the Lord. infact, He placed them in my heart. I was made for this. I was created to be brave.

There’s this scripture i recited many years ago in church when i was a child. It’s always stuck with me. It says the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7. Are you battling with fear? Hold on to Jesus, and He’ll teach you how to be brave, how to keep having faith in Him, even in the storm.

Hello, I am brave. My faith in the promises of Jesus is fierce. 

xoxo, 

Delali.

**this post is part of the hello, my name is link up with kerriewilliams.com**

Still I Rise

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. And their righteousness is from Me. Says the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17

Have you had one of those moments where God is evidently trying to tell or warn you of something? The other day I went for praying meeting with a number of my fellow missionaries, and my sweet God didn’t fail to speak to a number of us. I was happy for His Word... It shows He was definitely in our midst and He heard our prayers. 

After the meeting, we were all happy and chatty when a good friend of mine drew near and started speaking words of life to me, inspiring, encouraging words about never allowing anyone to belittle me or steal my joy. I was like okaayyy. It was getting a teensy awkward, the way he was stressing it. Lol I was wondering why all of a sudden he was telling me such things, cause nothing had happened and like I said, the atmosphere was all happy and chatty. I wanted to ask why but I was like nah, lemme just take it in. 

O, how God works! The next day, the devil struck and it all began to make sense. You see, God knew way ahead that the enemy was going to try to disturb me. But I had a heads up from my God and had on His full armor. I always do, ready for any attacks. Sometimes God’s care for me leaves me speechless. There are a billion people who call to Him, but He still makes time for me and warns me ahead of battle. Isn’t He an amazing God! He knew the enemy was ready to get at me with meaningless, useless, empty words so He spoke to me through my friend before that. 

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil...Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.” Ephesians 6:10,11,16

There are two forces behind words. One is good and the other, evil. God speaks to us through people, people who have made themselves available for the Holy Spirit to use them, just like my friend. But then again the devil also speaks and he also uses people who invite him in to use them for malicious purposes. And it’s so obvious the differences between the two. As the Spirit-led folk speak life-giving words, the ones who allow the devil to freely use them speak lies and detestable words... What have you been saying lately? Don’t allow the devil to use you. You were made for something greater, I promise.

The devil knows how precious the children of God are because of our great inheritance! Eternal Life! Plus we get to see and be with Jesus! Yes, that super cute, gentle Lover of my soul. :) Ahh, that day will be glorious! Anyways, as I was saying, the enemy who has been kicked out of Heaven is so jealous of our inheritance in Christ, so he roams this earth, searching for someone to devour. You know how the saying goes- misery loves company. This low life goes about using people to spread hatred and lies to eventually lead them off the path of God. Do you ever wonder why some people lose it and commit suicide or become alcoholics or do drugs? They allowed the devil to lie to them that they are not worthy. But hear me, YOU ARE WORTHY! You are so important to God, it’s mind-blowing. If only you opened your eyes to see and be attentive to listen. He whispers gently to your heart. You need only to tune out the devil and his accomplices by feeding your Spirit with God’s Word. Yeah, sometimes it’s not ‘fun’ to read His Word because it convicts you, but truth be told, that’s the best thing you need. And surround yourself with positive, godly people. You do not have to put up with negative people/lukewarm ‘Christians’ who do not support your growth in Christ! 

“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you of My mouth.” Revelations 3:16

 I’m not perfect and I don’t intend to be but I know who I am in Christ and I can’t allow negative people slow my walk down with HIM. Yes, it’s that serious. This is my eternity we’re talking ‘bout here. And I can’t care how ‘odd’ this may sound to people. God tells us to flee from temptation. Acting on temptation leads to sin. So anyone who tries to tempt me to say things I shouldn’t say or listen/watch things I have no business with, I flee from them. Simple.

 “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Be friendly to all but friends with few. Those you call ‘friend’, must also be on a journey living for God. And if people try to make you feel guilty for weeding them out of your space, let ‘em know 1 Corinthians 15:33. They cannot call you judgemental if you are quoting the JUDGE! Yurp, that’s right, HE set the standards, not you or me.

Note that I was busy seeking God’s face in prayer with friends when His Word came to me. God can’t speak to you if you keep shutting Him out and not making time for Him. Tune out the wrong crowd and seek Him like a thirsty, panting deer. You must desire to grow deeper in Christ. No lukewarmness. Remember, this battle is not a physical one. We contend not with flesh and blood so prayer is a very powerful weapon. 

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 

So as the devil tried pathetically to speak negativity to me that day, I simply laughed like always and thanked God for His Word. I do not speak that messy language. I speak positivity! Victory was and is already mine. I thought of how God never speaks in vain. His Word is Life itself. Was He not the one who called the whole world into being with words? O, I serve a living, mighty God! The God who walks with me through fire, the God who intricately formed me in my mother’s womb, my sweet Jesus who calls me Friend. Yes, He calls me friend. John 15:15 How cool is that! :D His ways are higher than the thoughts of man and the wicked plans of the enemy. I’m more than thankful to be serving such an awesome Father.

Do not entertain the devil at all. Sure, he’ll always try to work his way to you but be ready and alert. And like I say, there’re some battles you don’t even bother fighting, cause the armor of God shields you from them plus your level of overcoming is way above it cos you keep growing Spiritually...so the devil’s tricks become petty and old news, more like a broken record. LOL

Hear me, you matter. This world needs you. God needs you to fulfil so many wonderful purposes. Believe it or not, that is why you are alive right now. While you’re still finding your way around your purpose, the devil will try to lead you astray and knock you out. He will use people against you. Don’t let him have it easy. Don’t put up with the devil! Fight him off with God’s Word. Never believe a word the enemy utters against you. Allow God to work in you and wait patiently for the day when God will prepare a table for you before your enemies, the day when they become a footstool for you! Know that the people who continually plan bad things against you will have no choice that day than to praise you. The people who are seeking your downfall, waiting for the fallout, the ones who are desperately waiting for you to breakdown... trust me, these people will have no choice than to celebrate you very soon! As painful as that will be for them, they will. Why? Because God will make them! Psalm 23:5 says so! They should know better than to be messing around with HIS beloved children.

I’ve gone past the point of having petty fights and exchanges with the devil and his partners in crime. Nah, they’re just not worth my time! When the enemy struck that day, I had joy in my heart and kept singing praises to my Jesus. HIS Word about my life is the ONLY thing that ever matters to me. Bits of this poem from Maya Angelou came to mind as I joyfully relished in the beauty of that day. 

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still, I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops

Weakened by my soulful cries?

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise...

The next time the enemy tries to disturb you, let ‘em know that aint nobody got time for that! The devil is attacking you because you have a super high value and he hates it. He’s jealous of it. Seriously, think about this. The devil wouldn’t bother attacking someone he’s already got pinned down. He’s after you with his hateful words and evil actions because you are still out of his reach! Boom! Be glad. In fact, you should be a worried if the world doesn’t hate you. Cos it’s a given, part of the deal. Jesus made it clear that as children of God, the world will hate us because it does not know Him/us.

“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” John 15:18,19

So, is the devil screaming lies into your eyes? Tell him, aint nobody got time for that! Is he struggling to make you feel guilty and belittled? Let him know, aint nobody got time for that! No thwarted word of the enemy can prevail against the mighty, wonderful Word of God concerning your life. I’m not letting any insignificant nobodies dull my shine, and so should you! Like my dear friend spoke life to me that evening, I encourage you to never allow anyone to belittle you. You are a child of God, live accordingly. No one can compete with that.

No matter what the devil says, I’m an incredible wonder, a child of the KING of kings and the Lord above ALL. If this disgusts anyone, ha! Tough luck. This is who I am and nothing and no one can change this! I will continually be loved by my sweet Jesus into eternity!

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38.39

 Still, I RISE. xoxo

Delali.

Facing My Fears

Somewhere last month, I took the step to leave the shy world I created for myself and be bold. You see, I’m this person who doesn’t really like to face crowds. The thought of it alone shoots my nerves to space. LOL I’m such a clutch of nerves when it comes to this. Thing is, I really like to write but when it comes to performing my pieces, I go like “no, I’m shy” or “oh, I would perform some other time.”(which I never end up doing.) I’ve known all along that I needed to get over it and face my fear of crowds. Because honestly, the message I have to share could be what someone really needs to hear to help them through a situation in their lives.  

I’m realizing that as a writer/poet, there’s no way I can hide and cower behind shyness forever. So last month, I took that bold step to perform one of my pieces. Yes, I did! :) I tried so many times to talk myself out of it but I guess the part of me that listened to the excellent Spirit in me, which is the Holy Spirit, convinced me to believe that I could do it, I could stand in front of a crowd, regardless of my fears and nervousness and share what is on my heart. The whole thing got me thinking about how sometimes we let our fears get in the way of what God is softly urging us on to do. And I’ve realized that the importance of what we need to do is far greater than giving in to our fears. 

I can count the number of times I’ve performed in my life...in church and in senior high school. But these were not poetry performances. They were either drama based on the Bible or music performances. So this step I took last month was kind of a big deal to me- sharing one of my poems for the first time for an audience as a budding poet. The funny thing is, comparing the present to when I was growing up, the tendency to be shy is stronger now...but that’s all about to change.

I wrote about living fearlessly here. And my own words challenged me to go out there and do what God has called me to do with the talents He’s blessed me with. I wouldn’t lay it on thick that it was an easy thing for me to perform for an audience, no. No pretenses here. My mind was filled with so many ‘what ifs’... What if I forget my lines and go blank? What if I make a mistake and the audience laughs at me? What if this, what if that. All these questions were racing back and forth in my mind, threatening to cripple me. They almost made me refuse to take the opportunity to fight back my fears to share what I needed to share with that audience. A part of me even tried to convince me that I was not cut out for performing my pieces, and that I was supposed to be the writer/poet who only writes but never performs. Sometimes I even felt what I had to say was not important. Oh, the lies the devil whispers loudly into our ears! 

Something greater in me however tried so hard to fight back those lies the devil was filling my mind with. I chose to believe the truth of God’s Word and believed that an excellent spirit dwells within me. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”

I also realized that it’s not in the absence of my fears that I can say I overcame but rather, it’s my behavior in the presence of the fears I face that determine if I’m really believing God’s truth over my life or not. Those fears are there to challenge me and test my faith. And the good thing is, I didn’t make a fool out of myself on stage, I almost blanked out but I didn’t. :D I shared what I had to share and it brought such fulfillment to my heart.

On that very day of the performance, I started overcoming that fear of addressing a crowd. It still lingers around, but because I finally took that first step, it’s not so glaring as initially. I even performed that same piece the following week at a different program and it went really well. *shoots right fist up in the air* LOL So you see, I’m gradually getting over this shyness and fear of crowds thing. It’s not a one time thing that you get over. It’s a learning process. The more I rehearse for my performances, the better it gets. And the more I perform, the more I get over my silly shyness and fears. 

 Pouring my heart out. ;)

2 Timothy 1: 7 rings in my ears whenever I feel like I can’t do something. It says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” How cool can it get! To know that shyness is not from God and that I can overcome any fear in my life because I choose to believe that the Holy Spirit within me has the power to help me do so.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From whence does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1,2

 I couldn’t have taken that bold step to face my fears without my Helper. I told God to help me overcome and give me the courage to go out there and say what He needed me to say. Because regardless of how I feel, what needs to be done, must be done. I’m not supposed to fear my audience, I’m supposed to love them enough and have that desire to share with them what God has laid on my heart. 1 Corinthians 16:13,14  says “Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

 After my performance, I felt so relieved not just because I wasn’t a complete klutz on stage, but because I felt this inner peace and happiness for speaking the words that needed to be spoken. Although the applause and compliments I received afterwards encouraged me, those weren’t why I performed. I didn’t go to that stage for that. My mission was to get my message to the audience and I did exactly that. And even if I hadn’t received any applause because my message was convicting and a hard truth to sink in, I would have still felt glad to know that I said what I had to say. 

 These days, I’m believing in myself some more. I’m believing in the truth that what I have to say matters! This truth compels me and moves me to action. I’m doing all this bearing in mind what Paul said in Colossians 1:10 “To lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” I don’t want the talents given to me by God to go wasted. I want to pour all of it out of me to serve the purposes for which they were given to me. I’m a vessel, filled with gifts and I have to use these gifts to bear good fruits. My poems and stories, the ability to perform my pieces, my blog, my sweet voice (ahem!) ;) ...these talents must all encourage people to live their lives for God and bring glory to His name.

 So dear friend, what are your fears? Write them down, cancel each one out with a pen/marker and tell yourself you have overcome! Be bold and face your fears. Is it a fear of taking an academic course? A fear of amounting to nothing? Or is it a fear of never meeting that special someone? Please believe me that you can overcome. You are dearly loved and the awesome God who created the skies, stars, mountains, oceans and a lovely you says you can overcome all of these fears. You only need to believe this, ask Him for strength, go out there and face that fear. Nothing beats that happiness you feel when you finally look that fear in the eye and overcome it. Nothing. It’s exhilarating.

“And Jesus answered them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and never doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”” Matthew 21:21,22 

 Don’t succumb to your doubts ok? Be fearless and trust God to help you overcome. Reading the Word also does so much good in dissipating the doubts in your mind. James 1:6 says “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”

I want to urge you on to take that bold step you need to take and live that meaningful live God planned for you. Go on, you can do this! \o/ :D xoxo 

Delali.

On Being Free And Fearless

Don’t you just love it when you’re free? When your soul feels like soaring and achieving the ‘impossible’?

Recently, I boarded a bus to town. The bus looked all rickety and worn out, but I had just missed a bus going to my destination and the sun was at its best. So to avoid waiting and sweating in the heat of the sun, I boarded the over welded looking bus. I got in and sat right behind the driver’s seat and you could tell he wasn’t even sitting comfortably behind the wheel. His seat was a little too far from the steering wheel, so he had to arch himself forward.

At one point, something from the dusty looking compartment fell heavily to the rusty floor of the bus as it moved on the pothole filled road. I got a little alarmed but decided to overlook the condition of the bus. It rattled and made ear shattering noise with every move forward. And all the time I silently prayed that the horrific sounds wouldn’t put out my hearing. This vehicle wasn’t road worthy in the least but you see, I got on it because of its convenience rather than its quality.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be on a better and much comfortable bus, I simply didn’t have the patience to wait. So I endured the clink-clank noise of the bus until I saw sparks coming out from the battery beneath the driver’s seat. Did I get super alarmed now? You bet I did! Thankfully, I was wearing jeans so I couldn’t feel the sparks on my legs. The sparks became more frequent and I decided that I was getting off at the very next junction. I couldn’t deal with it any longer. So I did exactly that, praying that the vehicle wouldn’t fall apart before it got to the junction. It was so wobbly and people in cars that passed us by gave us looks that clearly said “Really? Who on earth boards a vehicle like that?” And some even laughed at us in the midst of the pathetic glares they offered.

Eventually, the bus slowly and dangerously made it to the junction. Boy, was I glad I got off that wrong bus! Funny thing was that after I got off, the vehicle couldn’t move again. The driver kept turning the key in the ignition, trying to revive the sick engine to life. But it seemed the vehicle was saying “Urm, no. I need a fix, now! My cable connections are really rusty.” It was as if my getting off was some signal, warning the other passengers on board to get off. Well I don’t know what happened next with this bus because a much more road worthy looking vehicle stopped and I got on it. All I saw was the driver getting out of his seat to check what was wrong with the battery beneath his seat. Feeling safer on the new bus, I continued my journey to town.

You may be wondering where I’m heading with all of this. My simple message to you is this; live fearlessly. Be free. Imagine what could have happened if I didn’t get off that bus. I didn’t like how the bus made me feel so afraid with every move. I didn’t like how it made my heart race and have irregular beats. I sure didn’t like how it made me hold my breath and had my tummy in many unpleasant knots. So I got off! I left it behind so that could feel peace and fearlessness surround me. Fear is not of God and you shouldn’t want to endure any situation that steals your peace.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

In life, we often get impatient and get ourselves into all sorts of craziness. We see the warning signals that tell us a particular thing is not best for us, but we go for it all the same, just like my impatience led me to that horrible vehicle. Other times, we feel weak to protest against people who rob us of our happiness and endure the pain in silence. This is sadly not the best.

Perhaps you’re in a wrong relationship, dealing with some guy who disrespects you and even goes as far as to hit you. You know you deserve way better, but your impatience to wait for that better led you into this harmful relationship in the first place. You keep seeing signs that he’s cheating on you...he feeds you varying shapes of lies, but you’re still with him. Why??? He’s clearly a wrong bus. Please, love yourself enough to leave! Walk away from that messy relationship. Love and peace does not dwell there. Sweetie, your life will go on even better without such a person. Don’t wait till it gets worse. Get out, heal and practice some patience. Trust God with your relationship and He’ll write a beautiful and healthy love story for you, not a toxic and depressing one.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18

Or maybe you’re a child or wife being abused. Don’t keep quiet. Speak out now! Reach out to a trusted friend to help you escape this horror. Be bold, know your worth. Never listen to the crap he says about nobody believing you. People will believe. You need to speak out first. Be heard and get the help you need. Remember that “The lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble; He cares for those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

And perhaps you find yourself in a job which brings you no fulfillment, a job which makes you all grumpy. Well, do what is required of you to get a job that makes you wake up feeling enthusiastic about your day and leaves you feeling alive. Discover your talents and you could make a living out of them. (I’ll write about this extensively in another post.)

Or maybe, it could be that new course you’re taking in school. You’re dreading how it’ll go and wondering if you can survive it and ace it. Believe in yourself and go for it fearlessly. Talk to God about it and He’ll strengthen you and grace you with the wisdom and knowledge you need.

“The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him.” Exodus 15:2

You were not born for a life of bondage. You were made to live a free and happy life, to fulfill your purpose. How do you live your fullest when you’re letting a mere human or some situations dictate your life? Be conscious about choosing to be fearless and happy today.

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand fast therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

Let us work hard and work on ourselves to be better. Remember to live while you wait for that something better to come along. Let’s keep at the back of our minds that God never withholds good things from us, so let’s stop putting ourselves in demeaning situations. Let’s pay attention to the warning signs and avoid wrong decisions.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; He bestows favor and honor. No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

                                                 Image taken by OAB Photography

Step into the future fearlessly. Is it an instrument you want to learn, a book you want to write, a career you want to pursue? Or is it an adventure you want to take? Go ahead. Trust God with it and don’t let anyone discourage you. Remember that this is your life and you have to chase after your dreams. Yes, even the ones that scare the wits out of you. Be bold. Be free. Be fearless.

Jesus loves you! xoxo

Delali.