Somewhere
last month, I took the step to leave the shy world I created for myself and be
bold. You see, I’m this person who doesn’t really like to face crowds. The
thought of it alone shoots my nerves to space. LOL I’m such a clutch of nerves
when it comes to this. Thing is, I really like to write but when it comes to
performing my pieces, I go like “no, I’m shy” or “oh, I would perform some
other time.”(which I never end up doing.) I’ve known all along that I needed to
get over it and face my fear of crowds. Because honestly, the message I have to
share could be what someone really needs to hear to help them through a
situation in their lives.
I’m
realizing that as a writer/poet, there’s no way I can hide and cower behind
shyness forever. So last month, I took that bold step to perform one of my
pieces. Yes, I did! :) I tried so many times to talk myself out of it but I guess
the part of me that listened to the excellent Spirit in me, which is the Holy
Spirit, convinced me to believe that I could do it, I could stand in front of a
crowd, regardless of my fears and nervousness and share what is on my heart.
The whole thing got me thinking about how sometimes we let our fears get in the
way of what God is softly urging us on to do. And I’ve realized that the
importance of what we need to do is far greater than giving in to our fears.
I can count
the number of times I’ve performed in my life...in church and in senior high
school. But these were not poetry performances. They were either drama based on
the Bible or music performances. So this step I took last month was kind of a
big deal to me- sharing one of my poems for the first time for an audience as a
budding poet. The funny thing is, comparing the present to when I was growing
up, the tendency to be shy is stronger now...but that’s all about to change.
I wrote
about living fearlessly here. And my own words challenged me to go
out there and do what God has called me to do with the talents He’s blessed me
with. I wouldn’t lay it on thick that it was an easy thing for me to perform
for an audience, no. No pretenses here. My mind was filled with so many ‘what
ifs’... What if I forget my lines and go blank? What if I make a mistake and
the audience laughs at me? What if this, what if that. All these questions were
racing back and forth in my mind, threatening to cripple me. They almost made
me refuse to take the opportunity to fight back my fears to share what I needed
to share with that audience. A part of me even tried to convince me that I was
not cut out for performing my pieces, and that I was supposed to be the
writer/poet who only writes but never performs. Sometimes I even felt what I
had to say was not important. Oh, the lies the devil whispers loudly into our ears!
Something greater
in me however tried so hard to fight back those lies the devil was filling my
mind with. I chose to believe the truth of God’s Word and believed that an
excellent spirit dwells within me. Philippians 4:13 says “I
can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”
I also
realized that it’s not in the absence of my fears that I can say I overcame but
rather, it’s my behavior in the presence of the fears I face that determine if
I’m really believing God’s truth over my life or not. Those fears are there to
challenge me and test my faith. And the good thing is, I didn’t make a fool out
of myself on stage, I almost blanked out but I didn’t. :D I shared what I had
to share and it brought such fulfillment to my heart.
On that very
day of the performance, I started overcoming that fear of addressing a crowd. It
still lingers around, but because I finally took that first step, it’s not so
glaring as initially. I even performed that same piece the following week at a
different program and it went really well. *shoots right fist up in the air*
LOL So you see, I’m gradually getting over this shyness and fear of crowds
thing. It’s not a one time thing that you get over. It’s a learning process. The
more I rehearse for my performances, the better it gets. And the more I perform,
the more I get over my silly shyness and fears.
Pouring my heart out. ;)
2 Timothy 1: 7 rings in my ears whenever I feel
like I can’t do something. It says “For God did not give us a spirit of
timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” How cool can
it get! To know that shyness is not from God and that I can overcome any fear
in my life because I choose to believe that the Holy Spirit within me has the
power to help me do so.
“I lift up my eyes to
the hills. From whence does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who
made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1,2
I couldn’t
have taken that bold step to face my fears without my Helper. I told God to
help me overcome and give me the courage to go out there and say what He needed
me to say. Because regardless of how I feel, what needs to be done, must be
done. I’m not supposed to fear my audience, I’m supposed to love them enough and
have that desire to share with them what God has laid on my heart. 1
Corinthians 16:13,14 says “Be
watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you
do be done in love.”
After my
performance, I felt so relieved not just because I wasn’t a complete klutz on
stage, but because I felt this inner peace and happiness for speaking the words
that needed to be spoken. Although the applause and compliments I received
afterwards encouraged me, those weren’t why I performed. I didn’t go to that
stage for that. My mission was to get my message to the audience and I did
exactly that. And even if I hadn’t received any applause because my message was
convicting and a hard truth to sink in, I would have still felt glad to know
that I said what I had to say.
These days,
I’m believing in myself some more. I’m believing in the truth that what I have
to say matters! This truth compels me and moves me to action. I’m doing all
this bearing in mind what Paul said in Colossians 1:10 “To lead a life worthy of
the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and
increasing in the knowledge of God.” I don’t want the talents given to
me by God to go wasted. I want to pour all of it out of me to serve the
purposes for which they were given to me. I’m a vessel, filled with gifts and I
have to use these gifts to bear good fruits. My poems and stories, the ability
to perform my pieces, my blog, my sweet voice (ahem!) ;) ...these talents must
all encourage people to live their lives for God and bring glory to His name.
So dear
friend, what are your fears? Write them down, cancel each one out with a
pen/marker and tell yourself you have overcome! Be bold and face your fears. Is
it a fear of taking an academic course? A fear of amounting to nothing? Or is it
a fear of never meeting that special someone? Please believe me that you can
overcome. You are dearly loved and the awesome God who created the skies,
stars, mountains, oceans and a lovely you says you can overcome all of these
fears. You only need to believe this, ask Him for strength, go out there and
face that fear. Nothing beats that happiness you feel when you finally look
that fear in the eye and overcome it. Nothing. It’s exhilarating.
“And Jesus answered
them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and never doubt, you will not only
do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain,
‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever you ask in
prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”” Matthew 21:21,22
Don’t
succumb to your doubts ok? Be fearless and trust God to help you overcome.
Reading the Word also does so much good in dissipating the doubts in your mind.
James
1:6 says “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like
a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
I want to
urge you on to take that bold step you need to take and live that meaningful
live God planned for you. Go on, you can do this! \o/ :D xoxo
Delali.
