Have you
ever wondered why life seems to pick on you sometimes? Like nothing really
turns out the way you want it to... in the silence of your heart you ask
yourself so many questions - “Why do I have such a dysfunctional family?” “Why
don’t I have parents who love each other and have a beautiful happy home? Why
can’t I have this or that like other people?” You’re not asking for a perfect
home but a home filled with love. “Is it wrong to ask for that?” you ask
yourself. “Maybe if I was from a rich home like her I would have more cool
friends”, you begin to think...
Or maybe one
of your parents unfortunately passed on and it’s just your mom or dad who’s
trying all their best to provide for the home...and it’s a real struggle.
There’s little money and little food on the table. Your fees for school is so
difficult to get, and you think every night, when will all of this end?
Maybe you’re
caught in the middle of your parents’ divorce and you end up moving to a much
smaller apartment and all these changes glare you in the face and you have such
a hard time adjusting to it...or maybe you do have your parents together but
its hell in that house, there’s no peace, no love...you don’t really have a
bond with your siblings, just this awkward relationship and you wish and pray
with everything in you that somehow things change, somehow things become more
happier or that you miraculously get a whole new better family. “If wishes were
horses...”, you whisper under your breath.
Or perhaps
it’s with friendships. Life is messing up your head in this department. You’re
from a rich home and have all these friends, but deep down you wonder if all
these people are with you because of the things and favors they get from you.
You wonder “if I had nothing at all, will they still be there?” You notice
quite a number of fake smiles and flattery from these ‘friends’ but you shut
your eyes to it cause truth is, you don’t want to end up being friendless or
lonely.
Or your
story is quite the opposite. You barely have any friends. And no, it’s not
because you’re not friendly. You’re broke, and not popular. You’re plain ol’
you. (Maybe not so plain.) Well, you know how the saying goes ‘no money, no
friends.’ The few friends you do have sadly also begin to drift away.
They have this cute clique thing going on with other friends and you can’t
join, you don’t even want to join. Well, you aren’t invited to join anyway.
Plus who likes to be the ‘third wheel’? No one likes to be the new girl, it’s
awkward, it’s frustrating.
You see them
hang out with these other people who seem way cooler than you, people who have
cars, the newest tech devices. They sometimes come and hang out with you, but
you notice it’s only when their ‘cooler’ friends aren’t around. So you become
like the spare tire, the friend who gets the scraps and gets squeezed into the
plan, not the friend who’s intentionally fixed into the plan. These few
friendships you have start breeding this silent unhealthy competition. And you
think out loud “seriously, why do people think everything is a competition?!” And
you sit alone in your room, sigh heavily and can’t help but wonder if it’s you,
or them. You decide you can’t be bothered, so you watch as your friendship with
these people grow apart, and some of them act like complete strangers towards
you. You’re a bit confused and wonder if friendship isn’t supposed to be based
on deeper, meaningful things like trust, loyalty, love and NOT superficial
things.
Oh, how can
I forget the boy drama? You meet this great guy, you’re attracted to each
other. One minute he’s very interested to get to know you, the next moment he
acts like he doesn’t know you, like you’re not good enough. And you think “What
did I do?! Do I have bad breath? What’s going on?” Or, perhaps this great guy
after being friends for a while actually asks you out, you date steadily and
before you realise, he dumps you! “How dare he? What happened to all the
forever after promises we made to each other?” you think. Fortunately for you, it
was a Godly relationship at best so you didn’t give yourself away to him
physically or unfortunately, you did. Either way, you gave yourself away to him
emotionally and it hurts like crazy to let go. The worst is if he cheated on
you and you start comparing yourself to the girl. “Is she prettier than I am,
is she smarter, funnier, richer than I am?” You continue to wonder...
You succeed to block/remove him from your
social media but you occasionally still see stuff from him on your feed because
there’s this mutual friend you have who “likes” and retweets stuff from his FB
and Twitter accounts. Ggrrrr! Just when you think the wound is healing, you
bump into him somewhere while he’s with the new girl and the memories rush back
and it hurts. You go home, cry your eyes out and scream “when is this madness going
to end. When does this wound completely heal?!” You’ve had it, you’re tired of
scratching the scab and deepening the wound. It’s hard for you to trust any guy
now. You feel jaded.
Or, are you
the new girl in the neighborhood, your school or a group/club? You’re having a
hard time with people who can’t accept you as you are. It’s hard to fit in.
(you’re probably born to stand out then). All the other kids seem to have it
together and some even try to intimidate you. They don’t really know you that
well and don’t understand why you’re more laid back than most of them, so they
try to fix you. They try to get you to be this loud person you never want to
be. They make you feel like it’s totally out of order to be a soft spoken
person, to be who you are. “They don’t get it”, you think. You’re not the
non-stop talkative kind, it takes time for you to open up. You’re more careful
who you trust as friend. You don’t like loud, you are not loud. Loud people
work your nerve and you certainly do not like to be loud. And you begin to realize that maybe they’re all jabbing and picking on you because they’re
running away from their own insecurities. You become this new project they’re
working on, when in fact they have so many imperfections of their own. And you
yell, “WHY ME?! Leave me alone!”
Or is life
getting to you with recent events going on in the lives of your close family
and friends? Everybody around you looks so happy being in a relationship. Your
friends are getting engaged, some got married just a couple of weeks ago or a
year ago. And you’re still single. People keep asking you all the time “have
you met that special someone?” and in your head you go like “urgh! Not you too.
Why can’t y’all stop asking me this question?!” You know they mean well by
asking you, but it gets frustrating. Some of them even try to push you into
relationships by saying things like “your biological clock is ticking, don’t
you want to have kids?” All these things drain your energy and happiness. You
know it’s a matter of time before you also meet that Godly man you’ve been
praying for. All the pressure becomes too much and life seems so crazy, you
can’t believe it.
Or do you
find yourself in a country where nothing seems to go right? There’s so much
poverty around you, so much stench from dirty, stagnant drains. There are few
to no employment opportunities. You feel so stuck, so helpless. Poverty meets
you in the streets, even in your own home, and you can’t wait for a
breakthrough, to get out and escape the misery. You’re so tired of eating poor-
so much carbohydrates with very little protein. You want out so bad, you feel
God is deaf to your prayers, it’s like He’s being so slow to come to your
rescue. You see friends escape the harsh reality and make it to better places
right before your eyes and you’re like “What about me, Lord? What about me?” You’re
at the end of your rope and your faith begins to shake.
Life. It’s
beautiful, then sorrowful, sweet, sour, horrible, unbelievable, miraculous,
unpredictable... You think you have the hang of it one moment and the next
second, it’s totally out of your control. That’s how this thing called life is.
People will hurt you, ignore you, reject you. You’ll face disappointments,
things wouldn’t be smooth always. There are good times, there are bad times. In
the good times, we must remember to be thankful. In the bad times, we must be
thankful too. We must be fully dependent on the strength of God especially when
we’re in despair. We must keep reminding ourselves of how immensely God loves
us, no matter what. He is the one writing His story through us. He decides where we have our setting,
our family. He presents us with opportunities, hoping that we make the right
choices, that we choose the right friends, the right relationships.
Your parents
might have got it wrong, and ended up divorced, and it must have affected you,
but for how long will you beat yourself about it? You have the choice to wait
on the Lord for a Godly mate, making sure you’re walking with the Lord
yourself. You have the choice to pray to God for Godly friends who’ll accept
you as you are, not cos of what they can get from you. You have to be strong
and stay true to yourself.
Although
some people seem to have it going way better than you, you’ve got to remember
that life is unfair to everybody at some point and that life is not a
competition. Keep praying even when you feel like God is so far away. Remember
how Elizabeth and Zachariah waited forever before they could have a child and
when they did it was no ordinary child? It was John the Baptist! Well, that
breakthrough seems so far now, but it’s just a matter of time. The pain can’t
last forever.
“For the Lord God is a
sun and shield; He bestows favour and honour. No good thing does the Lord
withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11
You’ll have
the beautiful friendships you’ve longed for, the pain and anger from that
broken home and broken relationship will go. The wounds will heal. You’ll be
surrounded by people who accept you and understand you, people who aren’t
perfect but who love you oh so much. You will have your breakthrough, the
struggles will reduce. That Godly man will eventually come into the picture,
he’ll pursue you like Christ pursues us, His bride. You’ll have a beautiful
marriage with cute wonderful kids. Affirm these positive things in your life, have
faith they will come true, keep reading God’s truth in the Bible. Refuse to let
fear and doubts get the better part of you.
I’ve been
through and still going through some of the scenarios above. I know how it’s
like. It’s tough, but my sweet Jesus is mighty to save. He knows our needs,
it’s just a matter of time. Let’s keep being faithful and obedient to God.
Let’s keep praying and praising Him. He’s gonna show up. He has to. We must trust in His plan. The
stories He’s telling through us isn’t over yet, there’s more to tell. The best
is yet to come. Stay strong dear, whatever your struggles, whatever your pain,
know that this too shall pass. Hugs to you. :) xoxo
Delali.
