swirling thoughts

there are so many thought running around in my head. some are really great, full of hope and dreams, some are reflective of the miracles of the hand of God in my life, and some are of silly fears that i shouldn't be worried about...

i've been dreaming and praying about the time i'll get to work with a humanitarian aid organization, and how swoon i'll be if it's Christ-centered. what can i say, i like to have Him directly involved in what i do. providing  physical aid to the vulnerable and less fortunate is good, but only has a temporary impact on earth. sharing the Gospel while providing physical/emotional aid? great!- there's an eternal impact, a spiritual influence on those lives. i'd love to be an active hands and feet of Christ in this field, playing with kids, see them smile, grow in the Lord and be a Godly influence on young people. i believe this isn't too lofty a dream for God to breath life into.

i've been kinda worrying about the spiritual life of my future husband. my mind goes like- urm, gen. so, what if he ends up being less spiritual than you are? ugh. i would want both  of us to be deep in the ocean of Jesus. both heaven minded. sometimes certain people and situations make me feel like i'm 'too spiritual', like i'm taking Jesus too serious, too personal. but of course, i believe in Him as my personal savior, so yeah, it's supposed to get pesonal. so i know those voices can't be from God. He actually wants us to need Him and long for Him so much. i need Him so much cause my heart has the tendency to easily mess up when there's no Him in my veins. so i am believing the truth that whoever my fine, ;) Godly man is gonna be, God will help him to keep growing in Him, like He's doing with me.

 "since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." colossians 3:1-2

"as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, o God. my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. when can i go and meet with God? psalm 42:1-2

writing. i've kinda abandoned my creative writing for a while now. the poems, the stories- these. they make me feel alive. i read a number of my poems couple of weeks ago and i was like, i wrote this?! it was like i had forgotten how deep i could get with my writing, how God could fill me with inspiration and words. i have to go back to that. i need to. going blank isn't even the thing, it's procrastination! that sucker! i've been journaling and 'blog writing' but that's not all i should be doing with this gift i've been given, the gift i would have to make an account for someday before the Giver of the gift. and i don't necessarily have to figure publishing out before i write. i. just need. to. keep. writing. i don't ever want to end up being the wicked and slothful guy in the parable of the talents- matthew 25:14-30

"each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." 1 peter 4:10

so, when it comes to what the scriptures say, i'm good at remembering them. but when it comes to the verses? i'm terrible! it shows i must get intentional about memorizing the verses. back to the basics. sometimes i have an internal argument with myself and say well it's not necessarily about how well i memorize scripture, but how well i follow and obey them. then i'll go like but if i don't memorize a good number of them and i happen to be witnessing to someone, it'll be very essential that i do know the verses. for example, i can't be witnessing and say to the person, well, somewhere in the Bible, God says, do not be unequally yoked. i have to present the Word with clarity and offer verses to the person so he/she can read them up. i've settled on this-a good ambassador of Christ should know both the verse numbers and the Word, and obey them as well. with time and the Holy Spirit, my verses decay will clear. :)

"i have hidden Your word in my heart that i might not sin against You." psalm 119:11

yesterday, i intended to blog about how grumpy i was feeling towards God cause i have so many questions and little answers. pictures of the future, with little detail. the gray weather matched my mood. i was going to write about how i've been following the story in jeremiah and question why God kept giving the children of israel {who were so, so stubborn} details about their future, like specific years and details, but i didn't. i almost wrote about how maybe, just maybe my sitation is more like joseph's, and that with time the picture will be clear, the promises will be fulfilled. i almost wrote about all these yesterday in detail. i almost did. but God, oh! He met me right in the middle of the pouring rain during my lunch break and spoke some powerful words to me. i grumpily talked to Him in the morning, asking with a downcast heart why He wasn't giving me details. like i didn't even pray for the people i often pray for. it was a short just-give-me-some-answers-already, and a quickly added please-protect-me-during-the-day kinda prayer. i was simply not in the mood to spend my usual time with Him. i was feeling tired of waiting, waiting, waiting for answers and directions that i need for crucial decisions soon. but, He showed up, He spoke to my heart, gave me some more pictures of the destination and gave some guidelines. He also encouraged me through the amazing, jaw-dropping testimony of a long-time-no-see friend who i 'coincidentally' met about five minutes after He spoke to me. He is faithful!

reflections. last year by now, i was in south africa on a missions trip, praying and living the Word out. i was getting ready to go to swaziland with some of the team members for a weekend youth camp. it was bitter cold.{when it's generally summertime, it's actually winter in SA.} i caught a fever + a horrible headache. i threw up a couple of times. yuck. i was sick. oh, but He healed, He strengthened. He is my healer. i marvel at how He provided the funds for the trip, when it looked like it wasn't gonna happen. but it did happen. He provides! and i had to share with the world what i had seen, and what He did in that land and what He'll continue to do. brooke fraser's albertine comes to mind on this reflection. 

now that i have seen, i am responsible. faith without deeds is dead. now that i have held you in my own arms, i cannot let go until you are. i will tell the world, i will tell them where i've been. i will keep my word, i will tell them, albertine. {the video says a lot! i hope you watch it}

"what good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? can such faith save them? suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. if one of you says to them, "go in peace, keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? in the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." james 2:14-17

xoxo,

 delali.

linking up here.