Monday, 17 February 2014

hello, my name is______.

I’m the kind of girl who dreams up the future and imagines all the endless possibilities that will show up in my life and sometimes when i’m wide-eyed, dreamy and musing about my future i get scared. While i’m busy thinking and praying about the future, fear shows up, gives me an ugly crooked smile and says “hey, you really think that’s going to happen? Look at your history, does it look like you’re good enough to get that? psht! dream on. you’re going to wind up alone, miserable and poor.”

Fear has a way of seeping into the colorful, beautiful picture i have of the future and tries to soak up all the colors, turning my picture into a cold, ugly gray. And i begin to doubt myself. Will God bother Himself about the miracle i’ve been sowing prayers into?  will I get the funds for the mission trips i’m oh, so passionate about? Can i survive the hard, harsh realities of the life i’ll experience on the missions? am i capable of loving the unlovable like Jesus requires of me? Will i ever write and publish the books i want to? Am i even a good writer? Will anyone read those books? Am i talented at all? What if i miss out on all God has planned for me?...I wonder if i’ll ever meet that godly man i’ve been praying for, if i’ll be at all deserving of his love. will i have the children i desire? will i get to see them grow? Will i make godly friendships wherever i go? Will they think i’m snobbish, or that i’m not cool enough, write me off without trying to know me? Will that horrible respiratory illness dare show up again? will i make Heaven?!...

fear wraps it’s gnarly, knotted hands around my neck and tries to squeeze the life and hope out of me. i panic. i get scared.

But there’s another voice that speaks and the fears begin to hide. And the shame of yesterdays gone past, run. It’s the voice of my sweet Father that says, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  (jeremiah 31:3) For, I, the Lord your God will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘fear not, I will help you.’ (Isaiah 41:13)...and the fears begin to melt and fade away. The brilliant light of Jesus begin to shine on my dreams and the gray begin to turn into vibrant colors.

I begin to feel hope surging as God says, you’re my beloved, your expectations shall not be cut shot, affliction shall not rise up a second time. Your future is great, your future is filled with my undying love. your whole life is filled with my love. just trust me. Be brave. I’ll be here to drive out the fears, you’ll see...and these words breathe into my hungry lungs life anew.

"But as it is written, eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 corinthians 2:9

Despite the terrible, terrible fears, i’ll be brave to believe that i’ll be graced with a man passionately chasing after Jesus, that God will orchestrate a lovely story for me and him (whoever and wherever he is). I’ll be brave to believe that beautiful, glorious and wonderful things have been prepared intentionally for me by my loving Father. I’ll be brave to dream and prepare for big, vibrant dreams. I will be brave to brace the future. my dreams are not too big for the Lord. infact, He placed them in my heart. I was made for this. I was created to be brave.

There’s this scripture i recited many years ago in church when i was a child. It’s always stuck with me. It says the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7. Are you battling with fear? Hold on to Jesus, and He’ll teach you how to be brave, how to keep having faith in Him, even in the storm.

Hello, I am brave. My faith in the promises of Jesus is fierce. 



Hello My Name Is

**this post is part of the hello, my name is link up with**

Thursday, 13 February 2014



Loving: this post and that post. It’s great how what you write can be a blessing to yourself.

Joyful about: my new and first guitar which i got over the weekend! I haven’t settled on the name yet. maybe Cheryl? a friend said that’s too girly. hahah

Listening to: rise to Youonly a mountain by jason castro, take these things away, work of art by rachel platten, everything sad is coming untrue, the end of me, a way to see in the dark by Jason Gray, fighter, come to me by jamie grace, on and on by tenth avenue north and someone worth dying for by mikeschair.

Reading: through the Psalms. It’s soul reviving, guys.

Rejoicing: over my amazing friend, Ruth, who published her book, A treasure to pray!

Praying: for the silenced. (did you know that about 170,000 Christians are martyred for believing in Jesus every year? Yeah, me neither.) i hope my prayers, along with those of other Christians strengthen all the people who are being persecuted for Jesus’ name sake.

Grieving:  the loss of Komla Dumor. i grew up listening to this guy on the radio nearly every morning. he was my major teen role model. i would go like, someday i'll be a journalist like Komla Dumor. and though i outgrew that dream, i still lighted up just by hearing the sound of his voice. it didn't nearly matter what news he was presenting, his voice felt like home. now, my heart thumps faster when i hear his name on the news. it’s like the blow surfaces all over again...i pray his soul is safe.

Dealing with: a slight case of the flu. hoping it goes away soon & doesn’t become worse.

Watching: actually planning on watching Jane by Design for the gazillion-th time. (wah! why was the plug ever pulled on it? It’s so good!) & re-watching October Baby. i got to watch it for the first time during movie night when i was on missions in south africa. (just so you know, i don’t advocate for the catholic church bit in it, but the movie in general is a positive one.) aaand, i’ve been considering watching parenthood. is it any good?

Singing: God will make a way by don moen (an old one but the words still ring true) & the words i would say by sidewalk prophets.

Enjoying: the 40 day challenge by overcome the lie & the new series my pastor has been teaching this month (titled this thing called marriage ;) lots of insight.) 

Learning to: bless others more. how does the saying go? give, and you shall receive more? yurp. more of my time, more of my service, more of Jesus through me.

Understanding: that i shouldn’t expect people to reciprocate my kindness. bcos that isn’t what i’m doing it for. gotta admit it kinda stings sometimes when it’s not returned though. so, to be kind, just because. 

Thinking about: when i’ll finally cut off all the relaxed ends of my hair & rock my ‘fro.

Rocking: kinky twists, bright blue nail polish & red lipstick these days. edgy huh

Craving: lots of sleep & rest.

Needing: lots of vitamin c in my system. I’ve started taking a liking for oranges due to this. Aint nobody got time for sore throat, but i’m sadly on the verge of one.

Brushing off: negativity. i've come to understand that people have this terrible need to gratify themselves by trying to belittle others by words and actions, and that's their problem. i choose joy.

Drinking: a good amount of fanta blackcurrent.

Thankful: for the many creative ways God uses to bless me. He shows up everytime before it’s too late. His handprints are all over my life clearly saying babe, i got you. i love you, just trust me. & i’m thankful for the people who yield themselves to allow God to use them to reach me (and sometimes they have no clue!) like when someone talks about something that speaks to a situation i've been facing and talking about to Jesus. 

Checking out: curly nikki, & this fam-->(they can be so hilarious!)

Challenged by: 1 corinthians 13, echoed by the lyrics of this song and that one. Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s just so hard to be the proof of His love. Dying to self daily 
aint easy, but it’ll pay off. 

Discovering: that i’m more of an infp and this presents a battle. an internal battle between who i’m called to be in Christ and the traits of this personality which aren’t like Christ. For example, i have to fight my deep need to have lots of me time, cos how do i share Christ if i’m by myself (or with only the people i want to be with) more than half of the time? And i need to tame the need to attain perfectionism and not expect people to be perfect. I gotta remember we have all fallen short. Romans 3:16 so, see? the struggle.

Being inspired by: this, this and that. In His time, He makes all things beautiful. :)

**Post was inspired by illy! so, what’s been going on with you currently?



Soaring Up In Sunshine

Soaring Up In Sunshine
//sharing my heart in the glow of the sun//
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