Monday, 30 June 2014

music monday// faithful

it's monday! time for some music!
the words to this song have become a personal prayer i whisper to myself these days. i'm in a season where i really need God to direct me and confirm His words to me concerning certain things. some plans i had which i committed to Him aren't falling through as i hoped. but i know He's here. He will lead me. 

faithful ~ brooke fraser
there's distance in the air and i cannot make it leave,
i wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might
i cannot sense You close, though i know You're always here
but the comfort of You near is what i long for.

when i can't feel You, i have learned to reach out just the same
when i can't hear You, i know You still hear every word i pray
and i want You more than i want to live another day
and as i wait for You maybe i'm made more faithful.

all the folly of the past, though i know it is undone,
i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
so i whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tongue
knowing You're the only one who knows me. You know me.

show me how i should live this,
show me where i should go.
i count this world as loss to me.
You are all i want. You are all i want.

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." romans 8:28

be encouraged that He is near and He has a great plan better than your dreams. keep believing. 
have a lovely day! :)

p.s {as i was writing this blog, God showed up in the form of someone, filled with kindness, with a bill i didn't request for in hand for me. tell me He isn't close! i can get the things i need to get after work with it without using my strictly budgeted money. :) He is near, He listens.}

Friday, 27 June 2014

look up

When I’m in the bus commuting to and fro work, I notice how most people have their heads down, staring at a screen, scrolling, typing the time away… I look away, stare out the window, and do what I do best on the bus. People watch.

I remember the times when I was so into social media, facebook especially. I would have my face buried into my phone, with this need to keep up with every single thing going on in my ‘friends’ lives. A time came when I realized it had to stop. The time when I committed seriously to God.

You see, I didn’t want social media to be the first thing I turned to when I woke up or the last thing when I was about to sleep. I didn’t want to let unnecessary details about people’s lives occupy the greater chunk of my day. I wanted God to be. And I wanted to fill my head with Godly wisdom, which my fb wasn’t doing a great job of. 

I clearly needed to purge my friends' list so i deleted some people. A few survived. Somehow, my interest began to go down. Real down, I deactivated my account. It’s been a looong time I went there, can't remember my password. I personally dislike fb now. I’m more of a twitter person now. still social media, yes, but I intentionally surround myself with folk chasing after Jesus so that the times I do go on there, I’ll view words filled with some wisdom. And twitter cos I can tweet stuff (quotes, verses, thoughts) as much as I want to in a day and encourage others without looking cray cray as compared to fb. But, I digress.
The point is, fb was in my blood and I wanted it out. Fast. As much as twitter is my thing, I make sure I’m not on there 24/7, and the times I am, I make sure I’m spending my time wisely. I use my social media to point to Jesus. More of Him, less of me. I like it that way.

I love blogging/reading blogs but I don’t spend my whole life doing that. I unplug, to be in the moment. What would I even blog about if I don’t go out to live, observe and learn? I like the convenience of whatsapp but I have an unwritten rule not to go on there before 8 in the morning or stay on there past 9pm. and most of the time, I stick to my rule. I need to have my time with the Lord undistracted.

And as I sit in the buses staring out and people watching, I breathe in deeply, and wonder about the stories of those people. The hows’ and whys’ and just allow my mind to be refreshed by the scenery around…the green trees, the blue skies, the birds flying so freely, the planes occasionally in the skies. I simply let my eyes and mind have a break and simply be. In the moment.

Txting is ok, but I like personal, face to face, deep conversations better. Group chats are ok (urm, I personally dislike this one. I don’t know what to say so I don’t say much there), but I want to connect with friends in reality, in community, in fellowship more.

i try hard not to seek approval on social media. it's a struggle sometimes. but i remind myself that i'm not defined by the number of likes/favorites/followers i get. i am already loved by the best Lover, and i matter to Him. that's more than enough. i remind myself that what's important is that i share Him {Jesus}, my thoughts, my art {writing}, and if not many people like/need my art, i need to keep creating it, still. because i need my art.

Technology is good. I get to use it to be a good influence and show Jesus. I get to learn things and send info faster than when the pc/phone were invented. But, I make sure I don’t confuse/replace real life connections with the connections I make on social media. There’re times I need to unplug, be with my thoughts, and enjoy the life infront of me.

This video does justice to what I’m rambling about. Maybe you’ve seen it already, but it’s a good reminder.

"the time you don't have to tell hundreds what you've just done because you want to share this moment with just this one."

"when you're too busy looking down you don't see the chances you miss."

"so look up from your phone, shut down those displays, we have a finite existence, a set number of days. don't waste your life getting caught in the net."

enjoy your weekend! :)

Monday, 23 June 2014

music monday// no gray

hi guys! so, i've decided to start a new music series thingy where i share a unique song almost every monday. why? cos i love, love music!!! it's a part of me and it was about time it got it's own little spot on the blog.

i pray they're songs that will leave us really pondering about our lives and have us re-examining our walk with the Lord. :) and hopefully it'll be a way to come across 'new' songs/artists that you would love.

and i know how folks get about mondays. ;) poor monday, what did he (or is it a she?) ever do so wrong? ;) so, while you're out there wringing it out with monday, i'd like to invite you into my space cos i'll be here to offer some refreshing, soul awakening music. :)

for the very first post, i'd like to share a song a friend shared with me last friday. it's really moving. 
have you ever been torn between the world and Jesus? yeah, me too. so. many. times. i know! i've been there, still end up there, if i'm honest.

...the times when you're worried about what names people will call you if you get really into God...when you want to party it out the wrong way, club it up, wear the super tight/low cut cleavage clothing, curse it out to look 'cool', listen to/sing worldly songs so you can look 'hip' and fit into today's cuture, ...and all the while you go to church more out of a ritual than a committed love for the Lord. ...when we turn some guy who couldn't really be bothered about our soul into an idol, a mini god of a sort, craving his attention when we should be craving Jesus to fill us up ...when we constantly put our quiet time with the Lord at the back burner ...when we know the right thing to do and yet we do the wrong thing...we've all pretty much been there. i'll be the first to admit. dear old paul said in romans:

ok, now the song: no gray by jonathan mcreynolds. it says:

i wrote this song and i pray that you listen to all the words 
cause i feel like at some point in everybody's life
we feel like this,

Lord I'm split in two

part of me loves the world
and the other loves You
so what do I do
i wanna be saved
but I got to stay cool too
and no i'm not a fool
i know eventually I'm gonna have to choose
and really I don't wanna lose
my ticket into heaven
and a chance to be used by You

and if it's God that i'm after
i just can't serve two masters
and before something happens
i got to turn it all around
because i know
i can't just have my cake and eat it too
cause it's real easy to stay on the fence and still do you
and it'd be cool if we could love the Lord and still go do our thing
but see it doesn't work like that
you gotta to be white or black

see, i've realized
when it comes to sin
You just don't compromise
see, it's a matter of death and life
be weak and do wrong
or be strong and do right
and i don't wanna keep going to church
singing all about how much You're worth
and then continue doing my dirt
living as if i didn't care if You're hurt

Lord, i really need you to help me
get it together fast
saints, we really gotta
get it together fast

no, it don't work like that
you gotta be white or black
no gray
no shades of gray
no no no no no... no no no no no...
don't work like that
you gotta be white or black.

i found this lovely mime video for the song.

"no one can serve two masters. either you will hate one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. you cannot serve both God and money." matthew 6:24

and though we can't attain perfection in our walk with the Lord, we can certainly intentionally cling to Him, and really try with our all to love and obey Him, and allow sanctification into our lives.

i hope you're blessed by the music. and i hope monday behaves. ;)

Thursday, 19 June 2014

something changed

It was one evening in December a couple of years back. I knelt by my bed, poured out my heart to the designer of my soul. I cried for my mistakes, the times I knowingly broke His heart. I surrendered for real. I rejoiced. I felt peace.

You see, the testimony of the guy in church that evening had done something. The power of God in his story reaffirmed my faith in Him and made me open my mouth and really have a heart-to-heart talk with God. It was time to let go of the parts of me that was still clutching to reason and logic. It was time to dive fully, and wholly into this active, lively thing called faith.

I had confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart a long time ago when I was just a little girl. But lukewarm took hold of me and sadly it wasn’t cutting it, it wasn’t bringing that soul awakening I needed.

“So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelations 3:16

I took a step to get plugged into a biblically sound church at the start of fall couple of years ago. and over hundred days prior to the day I caved in and really surrendered, something began to change. see, I was nursing a wounded heart, not totally broken, but wounded still. I was getting over a huge crush that was not going to end up into anything no matter how bad I wanted it to. It wasn’t what God would want for me anyway. Oh, but how I hid it perfectly! or so I thought. Cos obviously God knew, He saw my heart aching and placed a strong desire within to seek Him to fill the void, and not a human. At the time, I didn’t really realize I was hiding the hurt, but it’s all so clear now.

Too many things were competing over my heart and i needed to focus already! I didn’t do a good job of guarding my heart. How could I when I wasn’t intentionally following the lead of the Master? when I wasn’t truly trusting Him? when I spoke and sang about Him but yet some of my actions were wayyy out of line? It was like, God, I love you but I don’t really trust you with certain aspects of my life cos you seem to be really slow sometimes so I’m going to control those parts myself.

But God who knows better and sees farther than I do, lovingly steered me towards the right route after I got burned from wanting to do it my way. Sure, I was a good girl, but I couldn’t say the same about intentional godliness. I liked to read my bible and pray in my room and be good. Not necessarily godly with all my actions. The catholic community I grew up in wasn’t working for me. I cut church out for a while instead of seeking one that will help nurture my soul. Oh well, but I went every now and then whenever a friend invited me to a biblically sound church. but I didn’t stay cos I was still too comfortable to awaken and grow like I should. + it didn’t quite feel like where I should let my roots grow down deep.

 I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” Romans 16:17

In the span of my life, i had dedicated myself a handful of times to God but I always felt too comfortable as a baby in God to actually grow. Like which serious Christian would be part of a club in college that organizes parties where alcohol and profane music abound?! Funny thing though is, I never made an appearance at those parties myself. Partying was/is not my thing. I was more into the magazine side of the club, but still I’d hand out fliers advertising the parties. (I was so lame, I know) I was just not consciously bringing Jesus into all of me, my hobbies and entertainment; the songs, the movies, the books, the crowd around me.

“as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.” 1 peter 2:2-3

And while the summer of two years back was fun, it was wounding too, in a way that left you staring at the door when it’s shut real hard right in your face. I got too attached when I shouldn’t have. And maybe I needed that wound like cold water poured over me in bed, to rouse, to wake up! and find that I am cherished and loved regardless of who left.  And thankfully, I did rouse. Gradually, I felt the strong tugging of God on my heart. Staggeringly, I found my way to His house, decided to embrace the fellowship I badly needed, and fixed my feet in His Word.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

I became aware of how far off the bend I had gone and began a hot pursuit of the only one who’s capable of saving me from myself and my weaknesses. Jesus. The one who loves me unconditionally, accepts me as I am, and all the while encouraging me to grow and thrive in Him. It seems like it’s when we fall apart that we find Him, right? I think He needed me to acknowledge the crack within me and allow His light to get in and begin the healing process. And boy, was I glad to admit I needed His touch and longed for His presence!

Am I some perfect girl now? Absolutely not! I’m still just a girl, but one who has firmly grounded herself in her true identity, the daughter of the King, who is loved and forgiven immeasurably. The girl who isn’t intentionally abusing the grace of God and who lives like she has been redeemed at a costly price. I still make some mistakes but I’ve refused to live in an unbroken pattern of sin.

For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." philippians 3:13-14

Something changed inside that night. a shift in the spirit. and I am oh, so thankful!

this song by sara groves holds my sentiments.

(sorry for turning this into a long essay, but I needed to share :)

Monday, 9 June 2014


Relishing in & enjoying: the time spent in the beauty and serenity of nature with Cheryl, le guitar. :)
venue for photos: my alma mater, UG. :)

Gushing over: my new bible and camera I gifted myself for my birthday and the flat pumps my sweet friend, martina gave me for the birthday (which was 25th may :) 

I love that the bible has these cute index thingys that make it easier to find a book. 

I got this cute Samsung HD camera a little before my birthday. I know, I have to invest in a big girl nikon/canon camera sometime but for now this should do. ;)

the cute flat pumps-thanks martina!

Loving: my new cross earrings & my not-so TWA-{teeny weeny afro}. well I got kinky curly twists over the weekend so it hasn’t been that long since I rocked my ‘fro so it still counts. ;)
before & after church on le birthday

Listening to: desert soul, joy, my lighthouse, you are my vision by rend collective… sing in the rain by moriah peters…my hope is in You by aaron shust. These have been on repeat like crazy. Rend collective is becoming my new fav band, ya’ll!

Watching: preacher’s kid {watched this last night actually}. This movie is really good! Watched it first when it came out a few years back, and it doesn’t get old. Especially to any girl out there seeking for attention from the wrong guy, the girl looking for love in the wrong places, the girl who is willing to compromise her values/beliefs just to please some guy who’s not worth it, the girl who thinks she’s gone too far, messed up too much to return to the ultimate Lover of her soul, this movie is for you. It’s got a lot to teach.

Reading: aside le bible, a summer read titled ‘beach season’, {and blogs, one of my favs being, the lipstick gospel}

I haven’t really done a ton of novel reading. I finished reading through proverbs during the weekend and started jeremiah. {I’d love to name one of my future sons jeremiah. such a powerful + lovely name, right?}

Thankful for: sweet friendships, the kind where you can share your wild dreams & fears & bare your soul. The kind where you aren’t afraid or ashamed to be vulnerable. the kind that puts up with all your quirks. the kind that breathes life and speaks truth into you, the kind that is real. I’m not about shallow small talk, I’m about deep + hearty conversations.

Dreaming about: the beautiful future and all the possibilities it holds.

Learning to: play the guitar and to fight for my joy. The latter is a spiritual discipline which is oh, so worth it.

Praying for: diligence to love and serve the Lord with all my heart and soul. {but without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6}

what have you been up to lately? do share!
gen delali.

Soaring Up In Sunshine

Soaring Up In Sunshine
//sharing my heart in the glow of the sun//
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