something changed

It was one evening in December a couple of years back. I knelt by my bed, poured out my heart to the designer of my soul. I cried for my mistakes, the times I knowingly broke His heart. I surrendered for real. I rejoiced. I felt peace.

via

You see, the testimony of the guy in church that evening had done something. The power of God in his story reaffirmed my faith in Him and made me open my mouth and really have a heart-to-heart talk with God. It was time to let go of the parts of me that was still clutching to reason and logic. It was time to dive fully, and wholly into this active, lively thing called faith.

I had confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart a long time ago when I was just a little girl. But lukewarm took hold of me and sadly it wasn’t cutting it, it wasn’t bringing that soul awakening I needed.

“So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelations 3:16

via

I took a step to get plugged into a biblically sound church at the start of fall couple of years ago. and over hundred days prior to the day I caved in and really surrendered, something began to change. see, I was nursing a wounded heart, not totally broken, but wounded still. I was getting over a huge crush that was not going to end up into anything no matter how bad I wanted it to. It wasn’t what God would want for me anyway. Oh, but how I hid it perfectly! or so I thought. Cos obviously God knew, He saw my heart aching and placed a strong desire within to seek Him to fill the void, and not a human. At the time, I didn’t really realize I was hiding the hurt, but it’s all so clear now.

Too many things were competing over my heart and i needed to focus already! I didn’t do a good job of guarding my heart. How could I when I wasn’t intentionally following the lead of the Master? when I wasn’t truly trusting Him? when I spoke and sang about Him but yet some of my actions were wayyy out of line? It was like, God, I love you but I don’t really trust you with certain aspects of my life cos you seem to be really slow sometimes so I’m going to control those parts myself.

via

But God who knows better and sees farther than I do, lovingly steered me towards the right route after I got burned from wanting to do it my way. Sure, I was a good girl, but I couldn’t say the same about intentional godliness. I liked to read my bible and pray in my room and be good. Not necessarily godly with all my actions. The catholic community I grew up in wasn’t working for me. I cut church out for a while instead of seeking one that will help nurture my soul. Oh well, but I went every now and then whenever a friend invited me to a biblically sound church. but I didn’t stay cos I was still too comfortable to awaken and grow like I should. + it didn’t quite feel like where I should let my roots grow down deep.

“ I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” Romans 16:17

In the span of my life, i had dedicated myself a handful of times to God but I always felt too comfortable as a baby in God to actually grow. Like which serious Christian would be part of a club in college that organizes parties where alcohol and profane music abound?! Funny thing though is, I never made an appearance at those parties myself. Partying was/is not my thing. I was more into the magazine side of the club, but still I’d hand out fliers advertising the parties. (I was so lame, I know) I was just not consciously bringing Jesus into all of me, my hobbies and entertainment; the songs, the movies, the books, the crowd around me.

“as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.” 1 peter 2:2-3

via

And while the summer of two years back was fun, it was wounding too, in a way that left you staring at the door when it’s shut real hard right in your face. I got too attached when I shouldn’t have. And maybe I needed that wound like cold water poured over me in bed, to rouse, to wake up! and find that I am cherished and loved regardless of who left.  And thankfully, I did rouse. Gradually, I felt the strong tugging of God on my heart. Staggeringly, I found my way to His house, decided to embrace the fellowship I badly needed, and fixed my feet in His Word.

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

via

I became aware of how far off the bend I had gone and began a hot pursuit of the only one who’s capable of saving me from myself and my weaknesses. Jesus. The one who loves me unconditionally, accepts me as I am, and all the while encouraging me to grow and thrive in Him. It seems like it’s when we fall apart that we find Him, right? I think He needed me to acknowledge the crack within me and allow His light to get in and begin the healing process. And boy, was I glad to admit I needed His touch and longed for His presence!

Am I some perfect girl now? Absolutely not! I’m still just a girl, but one who has firmly grounded herself in her true identity, the daughter of the King, who is loved and forgiven immeasurably. The girl who isn’t intentionally abusing the grace of God and who lives like she has been redeemed at a costly price. I still make some mistakes but I’ve refused to live in an unbroken pattern of sin.

“For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." philippians 3:13-14

via

Something changed inside that night. a shift in the spirit. and I am oh, so thankful!

this song by sara groves holds my sentiments.

(sorry for turning this into a long essay, but I needed to share :)

xoxo

delali.

linking up here

currently

Relishing in & enjoying: the time spent in the beauty and serenity of nature with Cheryl, le guitar. :)

venue for photos: my alma mater, UG. :)

Gushing over: my new bible and camera I gifted myself for my birthday and the flat pumps my sweet friend, martina gave me for the birthday (which was 25^th may :) 

I love that the bible has these cute index thingys that make it easier to find a book. 

I got this cute Samsung HD camera a little before my birthday. I know, I have to invest in a big girl nikon/canon camera sometime but for now this should do. ;)

the cute flat pumps-thanks martina!

Loving: my new cross earrings & my not-so TWA-{teeny weeny afro}. well I got kinky curly twists over the weekend so it hasn’t been that long since I rocked my ‘fro so it still counts. ;)

before & after church on le birthday

Listening to: desert soul, joy, my lighthouse, you are my vision by rend collective… sing in the rain by moriah peters…my hope is in You by aaron shust. These have been on repeat like crazy. Rend collective is becoming my new fav band, ya’ll!

Watching: preacher’s kid {watched this last night actually}. This movie is really good! Watched it first when it came out a few years back, and it doesn’t get old. Especially to any girl out there seeking for attention from the wrong guy, the girl looking for love in the wrong places, the girl who is willing to compromise her values/beliefs just to please some guy who’s not worth it, the girl who thinks she’s gone too far, messed up too much to return to the ultimate Lover of her soul, this movie is for you. It’s got a lot to teach.

Reading: aside le bible, a summer read titled ‘beach season’, {and blogs, one of my favs being, the lipstick gospel}

I haven’t really done a ton of novel reading. I finished reading through proverbs during the weekend and started jeremiah. {I’d love to name one of my future sons jeremiah. such a powerful + lovely name, right?}

Thankful for: sweet friendships, the kind where you can share your wild dreams & fears & bare your soul. The kind where you aren’t afraid or ashamed to be vulnerable. the kind that puts up with all your quirks. the kind that breathes life and speaks truth into you, the kind that is real. I’m not about shallow small talk, I’m about deep + hearty conversations.

Dreaming about: the beautiful future and all the possibilities it holds.

via

Learning to: play the guitar and to fight for my joy. The latter is a spiritual discipline which is oh, so worth it.

Praying for: diligence to love and serve the Lord with all my heart and soul. {but without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6}

what have you been up to lately? do share!

xoxo

gen delali.

linking up here.

a brave and startling truth

We, this people, on a small and lonely planet

Traveling through casual space

Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns

To a destination where all signs tell us

It is possible and imperative that we learn

A brave and startling truth

And when we come to it

To the day of peacemaking

When we release our fingers

From fists of hostility

And allow the pure air to cool our palms

When we come to it

When the curtain falls on the minstrel show of hate

And faces sooted with scorn are scrubbed clean

When battlefields and coliseum

No longer rake our unique and particular sons and daughters

Up with the bruised and bloody grass

To lie in identical plots in foreign soil

When the rapacious storming of the churches

The screaming racket in the temples have ceased

When the pennants are waving gaily

When the banners of the world tremble

Stoutly in the good, clean breeze

When we come to it

When we let the rifles fall from our shoulders

And children dress their dolls in flags of truce

When land mines of death have been removed

And the aged can walk into evenings of peace

When religious ritual is not perfumed

By the incense of burning flesh

And childhood dreams are not kicked awake

By nightmares of abuse

When we come to it

Then we will confess that not the Pyramids

With their stones set in mysterious perfection

Nor the Gardens of Babylon

Hanging as eternal beauty

In our collective memory

Not the Grand Canyon

Kindled into delicious color

By Western sunsets

Nor the Danube, flowing its blue soul into Europe

Not the sacred peak of Mount Fuji

Stretching to the Rising Sun

Neither Father Amazon nor Mother Mississippi who, without favor,

Nurture all creatures in the depths and on the shores

These are not the only wonders of the world

via

When we come to it

We, this people, on this minuscule and kithless globe

Who reach daily for the bomb, the blade and the dagger

Yet who petition in the dark for tokens of peace

We, this people on this mote of matter

In whose mouths abide cankerous words

Which challenge our very existence

Yet out of those same mouths

Come songs of such exquisite sweetness

That the heart falters in its labor

And the body is quieted into awe

We, this people, on this small and drifting planet

Whose hands can strike with such abandon

That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living

Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness

That the haughty neck is happy to bow

And the proud back is glad to bend

Out of such chaos, of such contradiction

We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it

We, this people, on this wayward, floating body

Created on this earth, of this earth

Have the power to fashion for this earth

A climate where every man and every woman

Can live freely without sanctimonious piety

Without crippling fear

via

When we come to it

We must confess that we are the possible

We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world

That is when, and only when

We come to it.

*in loving memory of Maya Angelou who passed away yesterday.*

linking up here

a letter to my future husband

dear future husband, today is one of several days that I’ve gone on my knees to talk to our Father about you. I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, and I’ve got to admit that I miss you. Crazy huh? We haven’t met and yet I miss you. I miss you not because I hold any memories of you and us yet, but I miss you because of all the memories I’m dying patiently waiting to make with you.

"I charge you, o daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." song of solomon 2:7

In my desperation to meet you, I blindly and foolishly tried to turn the wrong guys into you and tried so hard to see you in guys that were nothing like you, and expecting them to be my savior when Jesus is the only person who can save me. I blame this on my lukewarmness in Christ and hence my lack of proper discernment. And if you’ve been anything like me in this regard, I forgive you, and I believe you will too.

But I’ve grown, still growing in the knowledge of Christ and allowing my mind to be renewed and my heart to be healed by Him. I’m glad to say there’s a distinct distance between the days of me being a “Christian” and me actively pursuing Christ and dying to self. It’s been a few years now, and it’s been hard, but I’m hanging on. I’ve handed over the broken pieces of my heart to our Savior, knowing that He’s the only one who can fix me, and trusting that He’ll hand a good piece of my heart to you because you love Him and in pursuit of Him too. Since I don’t believe in the mythical “soul mate”, you know, this one person on the face of the earth who’ll be the only guy for me, I’m following the pointers in the love letters of Daddy that’ll make me recognize you as my potential hubby among other Godly guys. (you gotta raise your game, babe. ;))

via

I’ve embraced this special season of alone time with daddy God, and I’m learning a lot. I’m learning how to respect you and love you unconditionally the way Daddy talks about in 1 corinthians. I’m learning how I’ll submit to you as the head of our home, how I’ll need to trust your leadership and be the best helpmate to you, thanks to ephesians.

I’ve been praying that you grow in Christ too, that you use your time as a single to know more about our Savior and how Daddy needs us to live. I pray that we use this time to passionately serve Daddy and others too, that we both develop our talents (did I mention I’m learning the guitar? *giggles*), that we intentionally share the good news of the salvation of our friend and brother, Jesus, and really be the salt and light of the world. Spending our time wisely this way will allow us to love our temporary single gig, trust me. ;)

I pray that your identity is found in Christ and Him alone, that you will wait patiently to meet me and pursue me like Christ pursues the church, His bride. I want you to choose me, to want me and love me as your partner for the rest of our lives on this side of heaven. I’m done with the games those other guys played, and I want you to be sure of me and choose me. Cos darling, our Daddy says “he that finds a wife finds a good thing”. I’m trusting Daddy to write our love story, I’m counting on Him for the timing, the moment when our paths will finally cross. And it wouldn’t be just sunshine & rainbows & butterflies, but we’ll intentionally choose to love each other.

via

I pray that we’ll court in a manner that is pleasing unto Daddy, that we keep our purity and flee from temptation for our own good. I dream of spending time with you in prayer, and chatting about Daddy’s love letters to us. I dream of taking walks with you, having picnics together by a gentle, quiet water, going on hikes, biking and camping together. I dream of going fruit picking, and visiting farmers markets with you. I dream of relishing in the simple, yet lovely moments with you. I dream of serving and being the hands & feet of Daddy with you, sharing the good news where we we’ll be and going the distance to do the same.  (your girl’s quite the dreamer. but of course, with Daddy, our dreams in His will come true. :) )

via

 The moment we marry in the presence of Daddy, is when you will then become the one, my soul mate at last. I dream of chatting with you in bed late at night and giggling with you over silly, lovely things. I dream of taking road trips with you, singing our songs with the glasses rolled down and the wind in our hair. I hope that we’ll both have a child-like faith in Daddy God all the time. I hope to go on missions with you when we get the opportunity to. I dream of making sweet, beautiful babies with you when Daddy blesses us with them. I dream of raising them up with you, in the knowledge and wisdom of God, teaching them His true and sure ways. I pray that you’ll never abuse your authority as the leader of our family, but that you’ll love me well and be a great teacher to our kids. I pray that we’ll grow old together and be full of so much love for each other still. I pray that on the bad and hard days, we’ll pray for strength and patience to keep loving on each other.

via

Dear future husband, I pray that we’ll choose each waking day to do life together and never cease to drink from the fountain of Jesus Christ, our rock. I pray that our marriage will be a shining picture of the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the church, that our marriage will point people to Christ and be a witness to Love Himself. and I pray that you pray for me as I do for you, that you hope and dream of these things and more for us as I do.

via

But until we do meet and live our broken yet beautiful lives, I’ll keep living a meaningful life for the greatness of Daddy’s Kingdom (our eternal home), a life that honors you. I’ll be patient while I wait for you. And on the lonely nights, I’ll talk to Daddy about you and read some more of the love letters in the Bible.

like brooke fraser says, and like I can’t force the sun to rise or hasten summer’s start, neither should I rush my way into your heart. I’ll be waiting for you baby, I’ll be holding back the darkest night. Love is waiting till we’re ready, till it’s right.

your wife in waiting,

xoxo,

genevieve delali.

forever

it's been forever, i know. oh, but there's this song, 'forever', i've fallen head over heels with it. it's about my Savior, your Savior, our Savior and what He did on the cross...and as you may know, yours truly is totally into poems, so with the perfect touch of spoken word in the video, i couldn't help but share this piece of beauty by Kari Jobe and Isaac Wimberley.

 the poem goes like this...

If there are words for Him, then I don't have them.
You see my brain has not yet reached the point
Where it could form a thought that could adequately
describe the greatness of my God
And my lungs have not yet developed the ability to,
release a breath with enough agility to
breathe out the greatness of His love
And my voice, you see my voice is so inhibited
Restrained by human limits,
that's hard to even send the praise up
You see if there are words for Him,
I don't have them
My God, His grace is remarkable
Mercies are innumerable
Strength is impenetrable
He is honorable, accountable
Favorable, He's unsearchable yet knowable
Indefinable yet approachable
Indescribable yet personal
He is beyond comprehension
Further than imagination
Constant through generations
King of every nation
But if there are words for Him,
Then I don't have them.
You see, my words are few
In trying to capture the one true God,
Using my vocabulary would never do.
But I use words as an expression,
An expression of worship to a Savior
A Savior who is both worthy and deserving of my praise
So I use words.
My heart extols the Lord, blesses His name forever.
He has won my heart, captured my mind
And has bound them both together.
He has defeated me in my rebellion,
Conquered me in my sin.
He has welcomed me into His presence
Completely invited me in.
He has made Himself the object of my sight,
Flooding me with mercies in the morning
Drowning me with grace in the night.
But if there are words for Him,
Then I don't have them.
But what I do have is good news.
For my God knew that man-made words
Would never do, the words are just tools
That we use to point to the truth.
So He sent His son, Jesus Christ
As The Word, living proof.
He is the image of the invincible God,
The first born of all creation.
For by Him all things were created,
Giving nothingness formation.
And by His words He sustains
In the power of His name
For He is before all things
And over all things, He reigns.
Holy is His name
So praise Him for His life
The way he persevered in strife
The humble son of God becoming the perfect sacrifice
Praise Him for His death
That He willingly stood in our place,
That He lovingly endured the grave,
That He battled our enemy
And on the third day rose in victory.
He is everything that was promised
Praised as the risen King.
Lift your voice and sing
For one day He will return for us
And we will finally be united with our Savior
For eternity, eternity.
So it's not just words that I proclaim
For my words point to The Word
And The Word has a name.
Hope has a name
Joy has a name
Peace has a name
Love has a name
And that name is Jesus Christ
Praise His name FOREVER!

i hope you guys had a lovely easter, i sure did. our King is alive! hallelujah! :)

xoxo,

Delali.

He is jealous for me

When i think of the fact that Father God is a jealous Father, i try to understand it in terms of my personal relationship with Him.  In exodus 20 verse 5, He says “ you shall not bow down to them (graven images/idols), for i the Lord your God am a jealous God...” wow.  The God of the universe, the One who holds all power and infinite wisdom, who created the sun, starfish, dolphins, the galaxy, angels, and horses is jealous for me! Me, a mere shaped clay, kept alive by His breath in me. That’s seriously mind blowing! I’m sure He could busy Himself seeing to more complex things than sparing time to let me know how He feels towards me, but no, He created me to have a relationship with Him, for me to make Him my ultimate priority, and for Him to take care of the details.

via

I kind of understand how some people get this jealous part of God a little wrong though. They perceive that a kind, loving, powerful God shouldn’t by any means have this emotion, which is seen to be more of a human kind than a supernatural kind.

Our Father is jealous for us for very good reasons. Now, let’s say you have a child you dearly love. you made sure this child was growing healthy right from day one in the womb, you pray over this child, you spend money for clothes, food, shelter for this child, you spend precious time at the hospital with your child when sickness strikes, you watch this child grow and bloom, you feel the love and bond the two of you share, then gradually, you begin to feel distance coming in between you two. You discover your now adult child likes the company of another family, some strangers who’re known to be notorious in your community. after school and during weekends your child becomes rebellious and doesn’t spend time with you, but drifts off to hang out with this other family and honors the notorious parents...how would you begin to feel? I believe you’ll be unhappy, sad, angry and jealous to have your child’s heart back with you, because you know the dangers of being in the company of very bad people. see? maybe this isn’t a perfect example but it’s pretty much the same way God feels towards us when we abandon and neglect Him, thinking we know better than Him.

via 

He made us, He yearns for us to get to know Him. He already knew us, way before He even formed us in the womb. He wants our loyalty to lie with Him.

He bends low and near to hear me. He’s interested in seeing me read and obey the love letters He wrote for me long before i came to be.

He doesn’t want to be competing for my attention, my affection, my time, not with any other thing, not even an earthly romantic relationship with a special someone.

Father God pursues our hearts, and heartbreakingly, He becomes jealous, and rightfully so, when we make other things our god/s...

 “shall the ax boast  itself against him who chops with it? or shall the saw exalt itself against him who saws with it? As if a rod could wield itself against those who lift it up, or as if a staff could lift up, as if it were not wood!” isaiah 10:15

“woe to him who strives with his Maker, an earthen vessel with the potter! Does the clay say to him who fashions it, ‘what are you making’? or ‘Your work has no handles’?” isaiah 45:9

He formed us with a wonderful purpose, to worship Him alone and reflect His glory. We mustn’t fight it, it’s our call, our destiny.

He is jealous for me, because He created me to love Him, not foolishly give my attention to the wrong things. And like He was telling the Israelites, anything i put before Him is an idol...job, school, hobbies, a person, busyness, even the idol of self...anything i think of more than my Father and His interests is an idol and needs to be shown the exit.

Let’s admit it, we’re the clay, He is the potter, we can’t go about rebelling against Him and intentionally making Him jealous to test Him. We’re human, with yucky, messy hearts (bcos of the sin of adam and eve) that needs the light of our dear maker and the salvation of Jesus. So, i see it this way, the more i make something else my idol, the yuckier/sick my heart will be, + the more jealous He will be, but the more i cling to Him and chase after Him, the more my heart will be filled with unbridled joy! The amazing thing is, the times he gets jealous for me, His love still remains faithful! It’s the kind of jealous that is heartbroken and dying and longing for me to come back to Him, my first, true love.

He is jealous for me, to give Him my heart, and for me to receive His love, and i must be crazy to let go of this love i share with Him.

He is jealous for you, too. Have a heart-check and be sincere if there’s anything at all coming in between your love for Him.

His love and grace is steadfast, constant, but must never be taken for granted.

He is jealous for us.

Enjoy this song from jimmy needham

xoxo,

Delali