music monday// here i am anyway

Hi guys! so I sorta promised to be back to tell ya'll abut the depression thing. ok, so for starters enjoy this song. it leads to bits of the story I need to tell.

via

here I am anyway // josh wilson

I'm like Moses in the desert
When that bush went up in flames
You said, "Go and tell your story"
He said, "God, what will I say?
I'm so scared, unprepared
What difference will I make?"
Sometimes I feel the same

                                                                                                                                                                              If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
God, I've got so many questions
Wonder why You placed me here
You have given me these passions
But they come with so much fear
Sometimes it don't make sense at all
But I guess if I was brave
Then I wouldn't walk by faith   

If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
 

 If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won't say no (I won't say no, I won't say no)
If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won't say no (I won't say no, I won't say no)
 

'Cause it's weakness that You want
That's how You show Your love
Your power is made perfect
When we are not enough
 

If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
Here I am anyway, anyway
Here I am anyway, anyway

This song by Josh Wilson is my jam! Especially during the wilderness years of my life after service. You see, the plan was to snag a scholarship abroad for masters right after my one year national service. But it so didn't happen that way. Father had been telling me many times about His purpose for me to teach and be in ministry but I was like nah, abroad is more lit! (not to say that if you want to go abroad for studies it's bad. Absolutely not! Just be sure if that's where God wants you to be. We all have different journeys). 

So back to the story. I could literally not wait to say goodbye to these streets of broken promises of ghana and start over somewhere far, far away. So of course, I gave many excuses about why teaching is not not not my thing.

I told God :
I'm shy so I can't handle being in front of a class.
I look way too young for my age and the kids will bully me.
It's not what I want to do.
I don't like it.
The money ain't great.

So God being who He is, He allowed me to wander around for a couple of years, searching for a job I thought I'd like (far from teaching) and depression set in along with some crazy accusations and betrayals.   

Then, after a couple of years, He mercifully presented me a chance to teach. I had applied for masters at Uni of Ghana{my alma mater} so I was like, ok since the results ain't in, lemme just do this teaching thing for the meantime and move on to do the masters when I slay the entrance interview and exam.

And slay I did. But the interesting thing is, by the time my admission was in, I loved teaching so much I decided to defer! I know, sounds crazy...

But that's what happens when God leads you to walk in the purpose He designed you for. You might think you're not cut out for it, yet He still tells you to trust Him and obey. Cos He knows you better than you know yourself. He's awesome like that! 

And the abroad plans? Well this is where Father has me now, and I'll bloom right where He's planted me until He tells me to move. I'm glad the Norwegian quota scheme and all the scholarships bounced me cos I'd rather be walking in purpose. Who would have thought I'd come to love these streets of broken promises?! I can't quite believe it sometimes! 

The time I spend teaching the kids and getting to know their sweet hearts is so fulfilling that I don't regret or second guess letting go of my masters for now. He's actually leading me to do something different related to teaching/ministry for further studies. Whaaaaaat?????!!! Mind blown!!! This can't be me. This can't be the same ol' Genevieve! This can only be Jesus!

   

Like moses, we all feel inadequate sometimes concerning what God is telling us to do. But obeying Him is so worth it, I promise! Ask our good, good Father if what you're doing is what He's told you to do. If it is, carry on, Love warrior. If not, please obey. 

And turns out I'm not even that shy like I thought. I'm not nervous when I'm teaching, it's like I've been doing it forever. And the kids do NOT bully me! And God is taking care of me each day. #winning. & abroad? yeah it's lit alright. But my purpose right here, right now is more lit cos I'm abiding in the will of my Daddy.

Okay, I'm done telling you my life story. Carry on with your life.

    

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

xoxo,

gen delali