When life gets tough

Have you ever wondered why life seems to pick on you sometimes? Like nothing really turns out the way you want it to... in the silence of your heart you ask yourself so many questions - “Why do I have such a dysfunctional family?” “Why don’t I have parents who love each other and have a beautiful happy home? Why can’t I have this or that like other people?” You’re not asking for a perfect home but a home filled with love. “Is it wrong to ask for that?” you ask yourself. “Maybe if I was from a rich home like her I would have more cool friends”, you begin to think... 

                                                                                   

Or maybe one of your parents unfortunately passed on and it’s just your mom or dad who’s trying all their best to provide for the home...and it’s a real struggle. There’s little money and little food on the table. Your fees for school is so difficult to get, and you think every night, when will all of this end?

Maybe you’re caught in the middle of your parents’ divorce and you end up moving to a much smaller apartment and all these changes glare you in the face and you have such a hard time adjusting to it...or maybe you do have your parents together but its hell in that house, there’s no peace, no love...you don’t really have a bond with your siblings, just this awkward relationship and you wish and pray with everything in you that somehow things change, somehow things become more happier or that you miraculously get a whole new better family. “If wishes were horses...”, you whisper under your breath.

                                                                                  

Or perhaps it’s with friendships. Life is messing up your head in this department. You’re from a rich home and have all these friends, but deep down you wonder if all these people are with you because of the things and favors they get from you. You wonder “if I had nothing at all, will they still be there?” You notice quite a number of fake smiles and flattery from these ‘friends’ but you shut your eyes to it cause truth is, you don’t want to end up being friendless or lonely. 

Or your story is quite the opposite. You barely have any friends. And no, it’s not because you’re not friendly. You’re broke, and not popular. You’re plain ol’ you. (Maybe not so plain.) Well, you know how the saying goes ‘no money, no friends.’ The few friends you do have sadly also begin to drift away. They have this cute clique thing going on with other friends and you can’t join, you don’t even want to join. Well, you aren’t invited to join anyway. Plus who likes to be the ‘third wheel’? No one likes to be the new girl, it’s awkward, it’s frustrating. 

                                                                                    

You see them hang out with these other people who seem way cooler than you, people who have cars, the newest tech devices. They sometimes come and hang out with you, but you notice it’s only when their ‘cooler’ friends aren’t around. So you become like the spare tire, the friend who gets the scraps and gets squeezed into the plan, not the friend who’s intentionally fixed into the plan. These few friendships you have start breeding this silent unhealthy competition. And you think out loud “seriously, why do people think everything is a competition?!” And you sit alone in your room, sigh heavily and can’t help but wonder if it’s you, or them. You decide you can’t be bothered, so you watch as your friendship with these people grow apart, and some of them act like complete strangers towards you. You’re a bit confused and wonder if friendship isn’t supposed to be based on deeper, meaningful things like trust, loyalty, love and NOT superficial things.

Oh, how can I forget the boy drama? You meet this great guy, you’re attracted to each other. One minute he’s very interested to get to know you, the next moment he acts like he doesn’t know you, like you’re not good enough. And you think “What did I do?! Do I have bad breath? What’s going on?” Or, perhaps this great guy after being friends for a while actually asks you out, you date steadily and before you realise, he dumps you! “How dare he? What happened to all the forever after promises we made to each other?” you think. Fortunately for you, it was a Godly relationship at best so you didn’t give yourself away to him physically or unfortunately, you did. Either way, you gave yourself away to him emotionally and it hurts like crazy to let go. The worst is if he cheated on you and you start comparing yourself to the girl. “Is she prettier than I am, is she smarter, funnier, richer than I am?” You continue to wonder...

                                                                                   

You succeed to block/remove him from your social media but you occasionally still see stuff from him on your feed because there’s this mutual friend you have who “likes” and retweets stuff from his FB and Twitter accounts. Ggrrrr! Just when you think the wound is healing, you bump into him somewhere while he’s with the new girl and the memories rush back and it hurts. You go home, cry your eyes out and scream “when is this madness going to end. When does this wound completely heal?!” You’ve had it, you’re tired of scratching the scab and deepening the wound. It’s hard for you to trust any guy now. You feel jaded.

Or, are you the new girl in the neighborhood, your school or a group/club? You’re having a hard time with people who can’t accept you as you are. It’s hard to fit in. (you’re probably born to stand out then). All the other kids seem to have it together and some even try to intimidate you. They don’t really know you that well and don’t understand why you’re more laid back than most of them, so they try to fix you. They try to get you to be this loud person you never want to be. They make you feel like it’s totally out of order to be a soft spoken person, to be who you are. “They don’t get it”, you think. You’re not the non-stop talkative kind, it takes time for you to open up. You’re more careful who you trust as friend. You don’t like loud, you are not loud. Loud people work your nerve and you certainly do not like to be loud. And you begin to realize that maybe they’re all jabbing and picking on you because they’re running away from their own insecurities. You become this new project they’re working on, when in fact they have so many imperfections of their own. And you yell, “WHY ME?! Leave me alone!”

                                                                                   

Or is life getting to you with recent events going on in the lives of your close family and friends? Everybody around you looks so happy being in a relationship. Your friends are getting engaged, some got married just a couple of weeks ago or a year ago. And you’re still single. People keep asking you all the time “have you met that special someone?” and in your head you go like “urgh! Not you too. Why can’t y’all stop asking me this question?!” You know they mean well by asking you, but it gets frustrating. Some of them even try to push you into relationships by saying things like “your biological clock is ticking, don’t you want to have kids?” All these things drain your energy and happiness. You know it’s a matter of time before you also meet that Godly man you’ve been praying for. All the pressure becomes too much and life seems so crazy, you can’t believe it.

Or do you find yourself in a country where nothing seems to go right? There’s so much poverty around you, so much stench from dirty, stagnant drains. There are few to no employment opportunities. You feel so stuck, so helpless. Poverty meets you in the streets, even in your own home, and you can’t wait for a breakthrough, to get out and escape the misery. You’re so tired of eating poor- so much carbohydrates with very little protein. You want out so bad, you feel God is deaf to your prayers, it’s like He’s being so slow to come to your rescue. You see friends escape the harsh reality and make it to better places right before your eyes and you’re like “What about me, Lord? What about me?” You’re at the end of your rope and your faith begins to shake.

                                                                                    

Life. It’s beautiful, then sorrowful, sweet, sour, horrible, unbelievable, miraculous, unpredictable... You think you have the hang of it one moment and the next second, it’s totally out of your control. That’s how this thing called life is. People will hurt you, ignore you, reject you. You’ll face disappointments, things wouldn’t be smooth always. There are good times, there are bad times. In the good times, we must remember to be thankful. In the bad times, we must be thankful too. We must be fully dependent on the strength of God especially when we’re in despair. We must keep reminding ourselves of how immensely God loves us, no matter what. He is the one writing His story through us. He decides where we have our setting, our family. He presents us with opportunities, hoping that we make the right choices, that we choose the right friends, the right relationships. 

Your parents might have got it wrong, and ended up divorced, and it must have affected you, but for how long will you beat yourself about it? You have the choice to wait on the Lord for a Godly mate, making sure you’re walking with the Lord yourself. You have the choice to pray to God for Godly friends who’ll accept you as you are, not cos of what they can get from you. You have to be strong and stay true to yourself.

Although some people seem to have it going way better than you, you’ve got to remember that life is unfair to everybody at some point and that life is not a competition. Keep praying even when you feel like God is so far away. Remember how Elizabeth and Zachariah waited forever before they could have a child and when they did it was no ordinary child? It was John the Baptist! Well, that breakthrough seems so far now, but it’s just a matter of time. The pain can’t last forever.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; He bestows favour and honour. No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

You’ll have the beautiful friendships you’ve longed for, the pain and anger from that broken home and broken relationship will go. The wounds will heal. You’ll be surrounded by people who accept you and understand you, people who aren’t perfect but who love you oh so much. You will have your breakthrough, the struggles will reduce. That Godly man will eventually come into the picture, he’ll pursue you like Christ pursues us, His bride. You’ll have a beautiful marriage with cute wonderful kids. Affirm these positive things in your life, have faith they will come true, keep reading God’s truth in the Bible. Refuse to let fear and doubts get the better part of you. 

                                                                                    

I’ve been through and still going through some of the scenarios above. I know how it’s like. It’s tough, but my sweet Jesus is mighty to save. He knows our needs, it’s just a matter of time. Let’s keep being faithful and obedient to God. Let’s keep praying and praising Him. He’s gonna show up. He has to. We must trust in His plan. The stories He’s telling through us isn’t over yet, there’s more to tell. The best is yet to come. Stay strong dear, whatever your struggles, whatever your pain, know that this too shall pass. Hugs to you. :) xoxo

Delali.