Monday, 3 November 2014

music monday// in the light

ok, moment of truth, i am a sinner. i am not perfect and i won't pretend to be. i'm under a standard of grace, not perfection. as long as i'm in this physical body, my spirit and the carnal part of me will continue to fight to have control over me. i'm thankful for grace, truly. so because of grace[undeserved favor], i choose to intentionally walk with Jesus and not live in an unbroken pattern of sin. 
confession. sometimes the sin nature in me takes over. and that's because i begin to focus on me, myself, leaving my heart unguarded for the enemy to throw parties in my heart of hearts. i can be really judgmental deep down, criticizing people in the chambers of my mind. and my excuse is that well, Jesus didn't say i can't acknowledge the faults of others, what He did say is that i shouldn't go fixing others when i have my own unresolved flaws. although this is true, i wonder why i'm so quick to see the flaws in others rather than the lovely in them. hm, Jesus is still working on this with me.

and when it comes to forgiveness, it can be such a struggle for me. i'm this super sensitive person who can sense the state of emotions and wrong vibes from people, but then again, i sometimes tend to read too much in between the lines. oh, and anger, i'm getting better with not letting the sun go down on it. and the love your enemies bit? urm, let's just say, not an easy one for me. more grace is needed here.

also, i'm realizing the sensitive bit of me makes me tend to withdraw from people more than i should. so i end being like an onion, all wrapped up in layers, sometimes with unnecessary walls around me. why? cause i do not want to get hurt. i do not want people to know my insecurities. and that leads me to being real picky of who i choose to hang around with. and i know all the layers and brick of walls i put around me may keep out pain, but it will keep out love too. 

it's like i would want to be sure you're not going to hurt me before i open up to you. but there's no guarantee for this, right?  and i know it's wise to be intentional in choosing godly close friends, but it doesn't mean i can't be friendly to others outside my circle of friends. oh, but how i like to only be with 'my kind of people', my kindred spirits who get me. 

and other times i don't even want to be with my kindred spirits. i just want to be with me and Jesus. i crave lotsss of 'me time'. 'me time' is good, but i know, oh, i know, my crave for it can be a lil too much. i know unlike extroverts, i recharge on 'me-time' but i have to watch it so it doesn't over exceed and turn into a selfish habit. but with the help of my sweet Jesus, the self is making room for the Spirit and i'm learning to be more like Jesus, my Light. 
this song really convicts me of the selfish me hiding, lurking in the corners of my being. i hope it convicts you too in the areas you struggle with.

in the light ~ anthem lights and jamie grace
i keep trying to find a life on my own apart from You
i am the king of excuses, i've got one for every selfish thing i do.

what's going on inside me? i despise my own behavior.
this only serves to confirm my suspicions
that i'm still a man in need of a Savior.

i wanna be in the light as You are in the light
i wanna shine like the stars in the heavens.
oh, Lord be my light and be my salvation
all i want is to be in the light
all i want is to be in the light.

the disease of self runs through my blood
it's a cancer fatal to me soul
every attempt on my behalf has failed to bring this sickness under control

honesty becomes me (there's nothing left to lose)
the secrets that did run me (in Your presence are diffused)
pride has no position (and riches have no worth)
the fame that once did cover me (has been sentenced to this earth)

"when Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, 'I am the light of the world. whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.' " john 8:12

"i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do. and if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good. as it is no longer i myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. for i know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. for i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. for i do not do the good i want to do, but the evil i do not want to do- this i keep on doing. now if i do what i do not want to do, it is no longer i who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." romans 7:15-20

"if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. if we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word is not in us." 1 john 1:8-10

"so I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. for the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. they are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want." galatians 5:16-17

"put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. because of these, the wrath of God is coming. you used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. but now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." colossians 3:5-8

"I[Jesus] am the vine, you are the branches. if you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing." john 15:5

"do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." matthew 6:19-21

"no one can serve two masters. either you will hate one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. you cannot serve both God and money." matthew 6:24

"but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." matthew 6:33

what are the things you struggle with? how is Jesus changing your heart?

xoxo, gen delali.

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