swirling thoughts

there are so many thought running around in my head. some are really great, full of hope and dreams, some are reflective of the miracles of the hand of God in my life, and some are of silly fears that i shouldn't be worried about...

i've been dreaming and praying about the time i'll get to work with a humanitarian aid organization, and how swoon i'll be if it's Christ-centered. what can i say, i like to have Him directly involved in what i do. providing  physical aid to the vulnerable and less fortunate is good, but only has a temporary impact on earth. sharing the Gospel while providing physical/emotional aid? great!- there's an eternal impact, a spiritual influence on those lives. i'd love to be an active hands and feet of Christ in this field, playing with kids, see them smile, grow in the Lord and be a Godly influence on young people. i believe this isn't too lofty a dream for God to breath life into.

i've been kinda worrying about the spiritual life of my future husband. my mind goes like- urm, gen. so, what if he ends up being less spiritual than you are? ugh. i would want both  of us to be deep in the ocean of Jesus. both heaven minded. sometimes certain people and situations make me feel like i'm 'too spiritual', like i'm taking Jesus too serious, too personal. but of course, i believe in Him as my personal savior, so yeah, it's supposed to get pesonal. so i know those voices can't be from God. He actually wants us to need Him and long for Him so much. i need Him so much cause my heart has the tendency to easily mess up when there's no Him in my veins. so i am believing the truth that whoever my fine, ;) Godly man is gonna be, God will help him to keep growing in Him, like He's doing with me.

 "since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." colossians 3:1-2

"as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, o God. my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. when can i go and meet with God? psalm 42:1-2

writing. i've kinda abandoned my creative writing for a while now. the poems, the stories- these. they make me feel alive. i read a number of my poems couple of weeks ago and i was like, i wrote this?! it was like i had forgotten how deep i could get with my writing, how God could fill me with inspiration and words. i have to go back to that. i need to. going blank isn't even the thing, it's procrastination! that sucker! i've been journaling and 'blog writing' but that's not all i should be doing with this gift i've been given, the gift i would have to make an account for someday before the Giver of the gift. and i don't necessarily have to figure publishing out before i write. i. just need. to. keep. writing. i don't ever want to end up being the wicked and slothful guy in the parable of the talents- matthew 25:14-30

"each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." 1 peter 4:10

so, when it comes to what the scriptures say, i'm good at remembering them. but when it comes to the verses? i'm terrible! it shows i must get intentional about memorizing the verses. back to the basics. sometimes i have an internal argument with myself and say well it's not necessarily about how well i memorize scripture, but how well i follow and obey them. then i'll go like but if i don't memorize a good number of them and i happen to be witnessing to someone, it'll be very essential that i do know the verses. for example, i can't be witnessing and say to the person, well, somewhere in the Bible, God says, do not be unequally yoked. i have to present the Word with clarity and offer verses to the person so he/she can read them up. i've settled on this-a good ambassador of Christ should know both the verse numbers and the Word, and obey them as well. with time and the Holy Spirit, my verses decay will clear. :)

"i have hidden Your word in my heart that i might not sin against You." psalm 119:11

yesterday, i intended to blog about how grumpy i was feeling towards God cause i have so many questions and little answers. pictures of the future, with little detail. the gray weather matched my mood. i was going to write about how i've been following the story in jeremiah and question why God kept giving the children of israel {who were so, so stubborn} details about their future, like specific years and details, but i didn't. i almost wrote about how maybe, just maybe my sitation is more like joseph's, and that with time the picture will be clear, the promises will be fulfilled. i almost wrote about all these yesterday in detail. i almost did. but God, oh! He met me right in the middle of the pouring rain during my lunch break and spoke some powerful words to me. i grumpily talked to Him in the morning, asking with a downcast heart why He wasn't giving me details. like i didn't even pray for the people i often pray for. it was a short just-give-me-some-answers-already, and a quickly added please-protect-me-during-the-day kinda prayer. i was simply not in the mood to spend my usual time with Him. i was feeling tired of waiting, waiting, waiting for answers and directions that i need for crucial decisions soon. but, He showed up, He spoke to my heart, gave me some more pictures of the destination and gave some guidelines. He also encouraged me through the amazing, jaw-dropping testimony of a long-time-no-see friend who i 'coincidentally' met about five minutes after He spoke to me. He is faithful!

reflections. last year by now, i was in south africa on a missions trip, praying and living the Word out. i was getting ready to go to swaziland with some of the team members for a weekend youth camp. it was bitter cold.{when it's generally summertime, it's actually winter in SA.} i caught a fever + a horrible headache. i threw up a couple of times. yuck. i was sick. oh, but He healed, He strengthened. He is my healer. i marvel at how He provided the funds for the trip, when it looked like it wasn't gonna happen. but it did happen. He provides! and i had to share with the world what i had seen, and what He did in that land and what He'll continue to do. brooke fraser's albertine comes to mind on this reflection. 

now that i have seen, i am responsible. faith without deeds is dead. now that i have held you in my own arms, i cannot let go until you are. i will tell the world, i will tell them where i've been. i will keep my word, i will tell them, albertine. {the video says a lot! i hope you watch it}

"what good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? can such faith save them? suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. if one of you says to them, "go in peace, keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? in the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." james 2:14-17

xoxo,

 delali.

linking up here.

BEING 20-SOMETHING

They call it the “Quarter Life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and out worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Via- www.girlsguideto.com

NEW MOON

I looked up the sky, and there she stood,
A new phase of the ever smiling moon,
With a gorgeous charm she gladly glowed
Wearing her crescent in a concave curve,
Reminding all again of her newness come,
And that life has come to another curve.

I reviewed my wishes and counted my blessings,
And then I resolved as I prayed by wishes made,

To be guided again like the curving moon,
So when the convex meets the concave curve,
To complete the cycle for another full moon,
I would have yet on my hand to count again,
A new list of blessings and wishes came,
With the crescent of another smiling moon.

-Oliver Mbamara