Facing My Fears

Somewhere last month, I took the step to leave the shy world I created for myself and be bold. You see, I’m this person who doesn’t really like to face crowds. The thought of it alone shoots my nerves to space. LOL I’m such a clutch of nerves when it comes to this. Thing is, I really like to write but when it comes to performing my pieces, I go like “no, I’m shy” or “oh, I would perform some other time.”(which I never end up doing.) I’ve known all along that I needed to get over it and face my fear of crowds. Because honestly, the message I have to share could be what someone really needs to hear to help them through a situation in their lives.  

I’m realizing that as a writer/poet, there’s no way I can hide and cower behind shyness forever. So last month, I took that bold step to perform one of my pieces. Yes, I did! :) I tried so many times to talk myself out of it but I guess the part of me that listened to the excellent Spirit in me, which is the Holy Spirit, convinced me to believe that I could do it, I could stand in front of a crowd, regardless of my fears and nervousness and share what is on my heart. The whole thing got me thinking about how sometimes we let our fears get in the way of what God is softly urging us on to do. And I’ve realized that the importance of what we need to do is far greater than giving in to our fears. 

I can count the number of times I’ve performed in my life...in church and in senior high school. But these were not poetry performances. They were either drama based on the Bible or music performances. So this step I took last month was kind of a big deal to me- sharing one of my poems for the first time for an audience as a budding poet. The funny thing is, comparing the present to when I was growing up, the tendency to be shy is stronger now...but that’s all about to change.

I wrote about living fearlessly here. And my own words challenged me to go out there and do what God has called me to do with the talents He’s blessed me with. I wouldn’t lay it on thick that it was an easy thing for me to perform for an audience, no. No pretenses here. My mind was filled with so many ‘what ifs’... What if I forget my lines and go blank? What if I make a mistake and the audience laughs at me? What if this, what if that. All these questions were racing back and forth in my mind, threatening to cripple me. They almost made me refuse to take the opportunity to fight back my fears to share what I needed to share with that audience. A part of me even tried to convince me that I was not cut out for performing my pieces, and that I was supposed to be the writer/poet who only writes but never performs. Sometimes I even felt what I had to say was not important. Oh, the lies the devil whispers loudly into our ears! 

Something greater in me however tried so hard to fight back those lies the devil was filling my mind with. I chose to believe the truth of God’s Word and believed that an excellent spirit dwells within me. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”

I also realized that it’s not in the absence of my fears that I can say I overcame but rather, it’s my behavior in the presence of the fears I face that determine if I’m really believing God’s truth over my life or not. Those fears are there to challenge me and test my faith. And the good thing is, I didn’t make a fool out of myself on stage, I almost blanked out but I didn’t. :D I shared what I had to share and it brought such fulfillment to my heart.

On that very day of the performance, I started overcoming that fear of addressing a crowd. It still lingers around, but because I finally took that first step, it’s not so glaring as initially. I even performed that same piece the following week at a different program and it went really well. *shoots right fist up in the air* LOL So you see, I’m gradually getting over this shyness and fear of crowds thing. It’s not a one time thing that you get over. It’s a learning process. The more I rehearse for my performances, the better it gets. And the more I perform, the more I get over my silly shyness and fears. 

 Pouring my heart out. ;)

2 Timothy 1: 7 rings in my ears whenever I feel like I can’t do something. It says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” How cool can it get! To know that shyness is not from God and that I can overcome any fear in my life because I choose to believe that the Holy Spirit within me has the power to help me do so.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From whence does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1,2

 I couldn’t have taken that bold step to face my fears without my Helper. I told God to help me overcome and give me the courage to go out there and say what He needed me to say. Because regardless of how I feel, what needs to be done, must be done. I’m not supposed to fear my audience, I’m supposed to love them enough and have that desire to share with them what God has laid on my heart. 1 Corinthians 16:13,14  says “Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

 After my performance, I felt so relieved not just because I wasn’t a complete klutz on stage, but because I felt this inner peace and happiness for speaking the words that needed to be spoken. Although the applause and compliments I received afterwards encouraged me, those weren’t why I performed. I didn’t go to that stage for that. My mission was to get my message to the audience and I did exactly that. And even if I hadn’t received any applause because my message was convicting and a hard truth to sink in, I would have still felt glad to know that I said what I had to say. 

 These days, I’m believing in myself some more. I’m believing in the truth that what I have to say matters! This truth compels me and moves me to action. I’m doing all this bearing in mind what Paul said in Colossians 1:10 “To lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” I don’t want the talents given to me by God to go wasted. I want to pour all of it out of me to serve the purposes for which they were given to me. I’m a vessel, filled with gifts and I have to use these gifts to bear good fruits. My poems and stories, the ability to perform my pieces, my blog, my sweet voice (ahem!) ;) ...these talents must all encourage people to live their lives for God and bring glory to His name.

 So dear friend, what are your fears? Write them down, cancel each one out with a pen/marker and tell yourself you have overcome! Be bold and face your fears. Is it a fear of taking an academic course? A fear of amounting to nothing? Or is it a fear of never meeting that special someone? Please believe me that you can overcome. You are dearly loved and the awesome God who created the skies, stars, mountains, oceans and a lovely you says you can overcome all of these fears. You only need to believe this, ask Him for strength, go out there and face that fear. Nothing beats that happiness you feel when you finally look that fear in the eye and overcome it. Nothing. It’s exhilarating.

“And Jesus answered them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and never doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”” Matthew 21:21,22 

 Don’t succumb to your doubts ok? Be fearless and trust God to help you overcome. Reading the Word also does so much good in dissipating the doubts in your mind. James 1:6 says “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”

I want to urge you on to take that bold step you need to take and live that meaningful live God planned for you. Go on, you can do this! \o/ :D xoxo 

Delali.