music monday// here i am anyway

Hi guys! so I sorta promised to be back to tell ya'll abut the depression thing. ok, so for starters enjoy this song. it leads to bits of the story I need to tell.

via

here I am anyway // josh wilson

I'm like Moses in the desert
When that bush went up in flames
You said, "Go and tell your story"
He said, "God, what will I say?
I'm so scared, unprepared
What difference will I make?"
Sometimes I feel the same

                                                                                                                                                                              If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
God, I've got so many questions
Wonder why You placed me here
You have given me these passions
But they come with so much fear
Sometimes it don't make sense at all
But I guess if I was brave
Then I wouldn't walk by faith   

If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
 

 If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won't say no (I won't say no, I won't say no)
If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won't say no (I won't say no, I won't say no)
 

'Cause it's weakness that You want
That's how You show Your love
Your power is made perfect
When we are not enough
 

If it's weakness that You want
I've got more than enough
But some days I am so afraid
To show this world your love
But I'll give You all of me
And my insecurities
God, I don't have what it takes
But here I am anyway
Here I am anyway
Here I am anyway, anyway
Here I am anyway, anyway

This song by Josh Wilson is my jam! Especially during the wilderness years of my life after service. You see, the plan was to snag a scholarship abroad for masters right after my one year national service. But it so didn't happen that way. Father had been telling me many times about His purpose for me to teach and be in ministry but I was like nah, abroad is more lit! (not to say that if you want to go abroad for studies it's bad. Absolutely not! Just be sure if that's where God wants you to be. We all have different journeys). 

So back to the story. I could literally not wait to say goodbye to these streets of broken promises of ghana and start over somewhere far, far away. So of course, I gave many excuses about why teaching is not not not my thing.

I told God :
I'm shy so I can't handle being in front of a class.
I look way too young for my age and the kids will bully me.
It's not what I want to do.
I don't like it.
The money ain't great.

So God being who He is, He allowed me to wander around for a couple of years, searching for a job I thought I'd like (far from teaching) and depression set in along with some crazy accusations and betrayals.   

Then, after a couple of years, He mercifully presented me a chance to teach. I had applied for masters at Uni of Ghana{my alma mater} so I was like, ok since the results ain't in, lemme just do this teaching thing for the meantime and move on to do the masters when I slay the entrance interview and exam.

And slay I did. But the interesting thing is, by the time my admission was in, I loved teaching so much I decided to defer! I know, sounds crazy...

But that's what happens when God leads you to walk in the purpose He designed you for. You might think you're not cut out for it, yet He still tells you to trust Him and obey. Cos He knows you better than you know yourself. He's awesome like that! 

And the abroad plans? Well this is where Father has me now, and I'll bloom right where He's planted me until He tells me to move. I'm glad the Norwegian quota scheme and all the scholarships bounced me cos I'd rather be walking in purpose. Who would have thought I'd come to love these streets of broken promises?! I can't quite believe it sometimes! 

The time I spend teaching the kids and getting to know their sweet hearts is so fulfilling that I don't regret or second guess letting go of my masters for now. He's actually leading me to do something different related to teaching/ministry for further studies. Whaaaaaat?????!!! Mind blown!!! This can't be me. This can't be the same ol' Genevieve! This can only be Jesus!

   

Like moses, we all feel inadequate sometimes concerning what God is telling us to do. But obeying Him is so worth it, I promise! Ask our good, good Father if what you're doing is what He's told you to do. If it is, carry on, Love warrior. If not, please obey. 

And turns out I'm not even that shy like I thought. I'm not nervous when I'm teaching, it's like I've been doing it forever. And the kids do NOT bully me! And God is taking care of me each day. #winning. & abroad? yeah it's lit alright. But my purpose right here, right now is more lit cos I'm abiding in the will of my Daddy.

Okay, I'm done telling you my life story. Carry on with your life.

    

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

xoxo,

gen delali

music monday// faithful

it's monday! time for some music!

the words to this song have become a personal prayer i whisper to myself these days. i'm in a season where i really need God to direct me and confirm His words to me concerning certain things. some plans i had which i committed to Him aren't falling through as i hoped. but i know He's here. He will lead me. 

faithful ~ brooke fraser

there's distance in the air and i cannot make it leave,

i wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might

i cannot sense You close, though i know You're always here

but the comfort of You near is what i long for.

when i can't feel You, i have learned to reach out just the same

when i can't hear You, i know You still hear every word i pray

and i want You more than i want to live another day

and as i wait for You maybe i'm made more faithful.

all the folly of the past, though i know it is undone,

i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right

so i whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tongue

knowing You're the only one who knows me. You know me.

show me how i should live this,

show me where i should go.

i count this world as loss to me.

You are all i want. You are all i want.

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." romans 8:28

be encouraged that He is near and He has a great plan better than your dreams. keep believing. 

have a lovely day! :)

xoxo

delali.

p.s {as i was writing this blog, God showed up in the form of someone, filled with kindness, with a bill i didn't request for in hand for me. tell me He isn't close! i can get the things i need to get after work with it without using my strictly budgeted money. :) He is near, He listens.}

music monday// no gray

hi guys! so, i've decided to start a new music series thingy where i share a unique song almost every monday. why? cos i love, love music!!! it's a part of me and it was about time it got it's own little spot on the blog.

i pray they're songs that will leave us really pondering about our lives and have us re-examining our walk with the Lord. :) and hopefully it'll be a way to come across 'new' songs/artists that you would love.

and i know how folks get about mondays. ;) poor monday, what did he (or is it a she?) ever do so wrong? ;) so, while you're out there wringing it out with monday, i'd like to invite you into my space cos i'll be here to offer some refreshing, soul awakening music. :)

for the very first post, i'd like to share a song a friend shared with me last friday. it's really moving. 
have you ever been torn between the world and Jesus? yeah, me too. so. many. times. i know! i've been there, still end up there, if i'm honest.

...the times when you're worried about what names people will call you if you get really into God...when you want to party it out the wrong way, club it up, wear the super tight/low cut cleavage clothing, curse it out to look 'cool', listen to/sing worldly songs so you can look 'hip' and fit into today's cuture, ...and all the while you go to church more out of a ritual than a committed love for the Lord. ...when we turn some guy who couldn't really be bothered about our soul into an idol, a mini god of a sort, craving his attention when we should be craving Jesus to fill us up ...when we constantly put our quiet time with the Lord at the back burner ...when we know the right thing to do and yet we do the wrong thing...we've all pretty much been there. i'll be the first to admit. dear old paul said in romans:

ok, now the song: no gray by jonathan mcreynolds. it says:

i wrote this song and i pray that you listen to all the words 

cause i feel like at some point in everybody's life

we feel like this,

Lord I'm split in two

part of me loves the world

and the other loves You

so what do I do

i wanna be saved

but I got to stay cool too

and no i'm not a fool

i know eventually I'm gonna have to choose

and really I don't wanna lose

my ticket into heaven

and a chance to be used by You

and if it's God that i'm after

i just can't serve two masters

and before something happens

i got to turn it all around

because i know

i can't just have my cake and eat it too

cause it's real easy to stay on the fence and still do you

and it'd be cool if we could love the Lord and still go do our thing

but see it doesn't work like that

you gotta to be white or black

see, i've realized

when it comes to sin

You just don't compromise

see, it's a matter of death and life

be weak and do wrong

or be strong and do right

and i don't wanna keep going to church

singing all about how much You're worth

and then continue doing my dirt

living as if i didn't care if You're hurt

Lord, i really need you to help me

get it together fast

saints, we really gotta

get it together fast

no, it don't work like that

you gotta be white or black

no gray

no shades of gray

no no no no no... no no no no no...

don't work like that

you gotta be white or black.

i found this lovely mime video for the song.

"no one can serve two masters. either you will hate one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. you cannot serve both God and money." matthew 6:24

and though we can't attain perfection in our walk with the Lord, we can certainly intentionally cling to Him, and really try with our all to love and obey Him, and allow sanctification into our lives.

i hope you're blessed by the music. and i hope monday behaves. ;)

xoxo

delali